I can tell it's summer and Mr Crazy Pants (CP) is in full swing.  The hotter the weather the nuttier the behavior.  It's been hot to say the least already .. who knows what will go down by the end of the summer.  Not living with it on the day to day basis .. boy when it comes up it's like WOW .. this is what I lived with for sooo long and thought it was totally normal.  It's truly a wonder I wasn't nutter than I was during that time.  Seriously .. I survived and wasn't committed .. that is a positive thing. 

He's not doing anything that an A doesn't do .. it doesn't make it easy to swallow.  He's missed my daughter's last 8th grade concert.  He made a point of going to my son's last 3rd grade concert.  She felt like crap.  Yes, .. I know I can't control him .. boy did I want to strangle him.  She has enough issues to deal with .. she doesn't need this too.  We talked a bit and I let her know .. it's ok to tell him how she felt over that incident and then she's got to let it go.  Not saying anything I don't think is ok .. to me it's an implied yes .. maybe that's not right thinking I don't know.  She needs the tools to love him where he is at .. and be able to stand up and say .. that hurts dad.  Doing it obviously in a healthy way for her. 

I'm actually very grateful he doesn't think like I do .. I knew the tax money was coming and boy was he looking for it too.  He again doing what A's do .. he's made some really bad financial choices recently and now he's left holding a very big bag that is so not going to be pretty.  It's my fault of course, .. because I realized that the tax money was going to be deposited at a very specific time .. actually an hour earlier than he was looking .. the texting from him started at midnight literally.  Ohhh .. I think I would have paid money to see the look on his face when he saw that the money was gone completely.  This happened last year as well .. and boy was he through the roof to say the least that time .. I'm sure this was icing on the cake.  Well .. LOL .. ok .. it was icing on the cake for me .. not so much for him.  I'm not sorry and my motives were exactly where they needed to be, my kids come first financially. 

Honestly, I understand why he is angry .. what he doesn't understand is that it's in the court order what is suppose to happen to the tax money.  I know he would have screwed me big time had he got the chance .. what he's angry about .. I out foxed him.  Yes, .. again, I'll admit .. it felt good.  I actually was so tired and emotionally drained taking that action that I didn't realize he text me until the following morning.  Gooo me on that one.  I slept very well and still took to shaking when the texting started. 

The process he went through was interesting to observe from a distance and how I felt as well.  First text: threat; Second: pleading; Third: bargaining; Fourth: condemnation, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, thru Fourteen: bargaining, reasoning - lying (he's not lying after all); Fifteen: scare tactic, threat; Sixteen: threat, condemnation.  Out of all of those texts I responded very few times .. once we got to the Fifth thru Fourteenth .. I realized the conversation was done and I stopped about the Eighth .. honestly I had been hoping at that point we could just make a deal on the divorce .. he could get his money and I could get what I wanted in the divorce.  LOL .. that didn't workout so well. 

I have stopped responding to him anyway unless it is related to the children.  Any text I send is about the kids.  My part in the above texting craze was probably that I continue to think on some level that he will be reasonable and the reality is .. he is insane and expecting any kind of normal behavior .. that's insane on my part. 

It will be interesting to see what his atty actually has to say when he actually sits down to READ the court order.  At this point I don't believe that he has spoken to his atty I could be completely and totally wrong .. I don't think so.  The texts he sent if his atty is advising him to send what he sent .. WOW .. his atty is far crazier than the STBAX .. and that is a complete possibility.  I'm not happy with my atty's office at the moment as I'm trying to reach them as this is going on and OMGosh .. NO ONE called me back .. it's very scary to go through this .. know I'm going to see him and they don't know what's going on and that I have this money.  Being told this stuff is not fun especially by someone who is so mentally unstable. 

He's got the kids tonight and I'm not thrilled .. at this point it's in God's hands and I think he will be ok with them.  LOL .. my yard looks amazing thanks to some extra help I've got and it's going to be a good thing to get it all done.  It's still got a LOT more work to go.  That's ok .. the fact it looks so good and he's not a part of that makes me feel really good about it.  I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to get it done. 

I'm taking care of me .. I wish I could go to a meeting tonight unfortunately I can't .. I have done little things for myself this week that have reminded me I'm important and I matter.  I will be hitting every meeting I can over the next couple of weeks just because .. my mom is coming to visit .. LOL .. her and the STBAX .. I will be running for the hills.  It's going to be a good visit and I'm not going to allow the STBAX to have power over any of it. 

Thanks for listening and I'm soooo grateful for this program and the AA program .. it has really given me a different perspective of how to look at things .. although being caught in the craziness of it all isn't easy. 

LOL .. to cap it all yesterday there was a HUGE semi that was in the ditch in front of my place and blocking the little country road I live on ..  he almost tipped his cab over and he was diagonal in the road.   Someone actually drove through my yard to get through .. not happy about that .. however .. what are you going to do.  I did laugh when one woman got out and really was not happy with the driver.  It wasn't his fault as it was my neighbor's order for the reason he was out there and OMGosh .. she let him know he wasn't suppose to be on that road, blah blah blah.  I felt bad for the guy.  I just wanted the situation resolved and it could have been a lot worse .. sooo seriously speaking .. LOL .. it was an interesting day to say the least. 

Hugs P :)