The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yeppers...sounds like some of the indicators I learned about when I first got into recovery from myself. Learning how to answer the questions, "what are your motives for doing this"? or "When in doubt don't and Don't react". Learning how to be true to myself and honest with myself was big also...doing what my gut said first rather than what my reaction said later is still a good practice. "I don't hafta if I don't wanna" is often the voice that keeps me still and lets God or someone else jump in ahead of me rather than me feeling that "I MUST" do something about....everything? Co-dependancy isn't a sin or a crime, often it is a sign of a caring person with loose boundaries. When we find the need we learn to change things. Have a ((((Hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 14th of May 2013 07:25:10 PM
Hello all, I am in a small online group of about 20 ladies on yahoo and I have noticed a pattern of ladies who are posting their problems and are looking for support. It started out being fun and we talked about positive things and such and then really quickly it has changed to a now co-dependant pattern. I am feeling overwhelmed and I decided not to comment on one of the posts and the lady who wrote it emailed me really upset because she felt really bad no one commented on it and her feelings were really hurt. So of course I consoled her and I even went onto the group and wrote a lot of encouraging things and was loving and supportive. I felt like I needed to make her feel better and it is feeling very codependant. These ladies aren't in alanon and it is a little hard on me interacting when I feel like they are so needy. I will admit I even felt the energy of the neediness and drama so I I posted a couple of needy/drama things too. I really like the ladies in this group but I am feeling overwhelmed with the stress of problems. I know I need to get closer to my program and work it more. I wonder if I can still stay in this group and use my alanon tools or it is going to just be too stressful for me and I should just get out. Anyone relate?
Sometimes it does happen that everyone is too busy to comment on a particular post, but that's the way it is. To my mind the person who rebuked you for it was out of line. This situation might be too overwhelming and you could protect yourself by backing off. Or equally it might be a chance to protect your new self-protective skills and not leap in when someone presents themselves as needing rescuing. As much energy as you have to give in a reasonable way, that's reasonable. But when people make demands that are beyond your energy levels, you are totally entitled to take care of yourself. You don't have to make that okay with them -- that's their responsibility. There are certainly so many chances to practice our healthy skills, whether in this or anything else. First and foremost, take care of yourself.
Hi I read your post . When you started up this group did you make boundarys about what you talk about? And what was the groups name? I think it's normal for woman to get in a group setting and feel comfortable knowing and start chit chatting about what ever comes to there mind. We do what we do best and that's vents and complain, I would love to find a group like that to here others story's and how they deal with it. Pick up some ideas , copy skills if they were presented.. But I would deffinetly re word your group rules . And no one should be asking you question , unless its a general question that all can answer it . And if it becomes over whelming then pass it on to some one you know to take over , help out .
I have learned to own my own feelings and not blame others for how I feel, but I own how I respond to my feelings as well. When someone is coming off needy or unhealthy and you get red flags that is a sign. Al-anon has taught me so much about myself. I have learned to set boundaries with people and to know it is not my job to please their every whim. I barely have enough time and energy to take care of all I have on my plate currently let alone any grown people who are capable of taking care of themselves. The al-anon tools teach us how to take good care of ourselves and to allow others the respect to also care for themselves. These are hard lessons, but I am much better for learning them. I am healthier and happier, because of my program. You have to fill up your own reserve tank before you can give from your overflow. Keep working on you with meeyings, getting a sponsor and reading and listen to your red flags. I am sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
