The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Even though my mom is still alive, I struggle w/ mom's day because of my situation. I have bipolar disorder & basically can't have children. This is my problem: I am not very happy not having children especially on significant days like yesterday. I know that I probably " shouldn't" have children & made the right decision for me to stay on birth control & not risk getting pregnant as it might actually be possible. That being said, I am learning to accept the fact that I am a childless woman of 46. So, I try to stay off the pity pot & accept my total situation. I am a pretty good aunt to all my nieces & nephews & have tried to give them gifts that they might like every birthday(at least those that can be given to) & some holidays. This my way of staying among the living & showing my generosity. Is this all seeming to be selfish or unselfish? I mean the other day some couples were on the TV talking about how unselfish it is to not bring children into the world because of different reasons that makes sense to me. Not everyone can be a good mother or father. I just wish I could have got the chance. Sometimes I think that some people have kids & can't support them but keep having kids. I guess I am one of those people that don't understand the population explosion. I am just grateful that I have friends & family that I can share the experiences having children can bring. And, I have known some women who have never had children & most of them seem content.
I just wish I could be happy in my own skin. Actually, I know that there are some things that I could have not or could not do today if I had children. And, would I have been a good mom anyway & could my husband handle all that being 70 years old anyhow?.
Enough out of me! I don't want to get depressed or share anymore because of my situation.
Mother's day is hard for me as well. My dad said to me yesterday 'Did you call your mom?' I said 'No, I havn't. I don't want to'...'You know you should call your mom'......(look of indifference)...'You should'.
Every time I phone my mother she doesn't want to talk. She's like this with her whole family but I am tired of feeling the hurt. I have 0 emotional connection to her and she does with me and my sister. Although her illness (schizophrenia) is out of her control, it's still hard to look at. She lives by herself in a tiny apartment. No TV. Never leaves. It is sad and it is depressing. She lives on disability. Her 2 siblings are on welfare. It is a horribly depressing situation. My sister goes over there from time to time, but never reports anything new.
We fear the same fate for my alcoholic father.
Most of the time, mother's day and her birthday pass as any other day. However we are bombarded non-stop on TV, facebook, the radio that it's mother's day.
