The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My little doggie son is snoozing on his bed with his little stuffed animal this morning and I'm getting the house cleaned up for Mother's Day BBQ. The TV is on this morning - just for noise while I clean my house - and there was a news story about couples who choose not to have children and the stigma that comes with that.
Mother's Day has got me thinking about a lot of things.
I never had maternal feelings that many of our sisters did - so I didn't have any children. Just my X-stepchildren and my pup.
During the time that many of our sisters were starting families, I was putting myself through college and, then, working my dream job as a sportswriter then as the communication director for our state's tourism department.
I traveled the country covering sports stories; and in my capacity at the state, I served as protocol officer - taking care of dignitaries and heads of state when they came to visit. It was a wonderful adventure and I'll never regret it. I met some amazing people and had once-in-a-lifetime experiences.
I met my XAH when I was in my mid-to-late 30s. Before him, I was in a long-term relationship with who I know now, with my learnings in Al Anon, was also an alcoholic.
So my 20s were filled with taking care of myself. 30s and up until now, my mid 40s, I was living with two different alcoholics.
The news story brought out some serious feelings about decisions I have made in my life. My family and friends have said I would have been a terrific mom.
I'm not necessarily feeling regret, just wondering about what might have been if I had made better choices with life partners and chosen to have a baby during those child-bearing years.
I'm very grateful that little ones were not brought into those alcoholic relationships. I've read and heard from MIP and Al Anon sisters about how incredibly difficult it is. But what if I would have found a strong and sane life partner and started a family? Where would I be? What would my life be like?
When it's time to have another partner in my life - I think I would like to have someone who has children...I had such fun being a stepmom (and now a step-grandmother). I hope that I could make a positive impact on their lives. But yet I wonder what it would be like to have a "mini-me" in my life.
To our Mom-Sisters on MIP on this Mother's Day - God bless you for your unconditional love and support of your children. We are so lucky to witness and learn from your wisdom and your strength.
Hi Blondie, its not Mothers Day here in the Uk but I can tell you that there are some mothers like me who regret having children to an A. I hope that doesnt sound too bad. I had three children to my ex a and I can say that yes I do regret having them to him. I love my kids but life has been difficult and my children never had the childhood I wanted for them not only because of him but because of me and my own issues. I think not having children in both reltaionships has been a blessing because you have saved yourself from heartache. I do get what your saying because its not all been bad and my children have been my driving force aswell. I think my regret is that I had them so young. I was 19 when I had my first. Anyway, Im not sure Im helping here but I think its about been grateful for what we do have and maybe a little proud of yourself for having the sense that I never had back then. Take care.x
(((((Blondie)))))...it's all in how you look at it...no you don't have "one or some" to call your own; you have a ton that you have nurtured during your journey including us on this board. You've given me more than my "natural" mother did regarding how to sustain my life from inside the disease of alcoholism and addict. "Happy Mothers' Day" Blondie have a great one!!
Just a side note? Look at that life of the woman we call "Mother Teresa". Perspective. ((((hugs))))
Thank you for the affirmation, Blondie. There are different kinds of mothers. Some birth actual babies. Some birth ideas. Some blaze or continue trails that help nurture the women who follow them in ways that help new frontiers become old foundations. Sounds to me like you might be of the trail blazing type of mother? I think it took a lot of courage for you to honor yourself by following "your bliss." There's a lot of young (and not so young) women who need mentors to show them how to say yes to that little voice within that leads one to their highest potential. You're a blessing exactly as you are. Thank you for being you.
