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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> First F2F Meeting
Post Info TOPIC: First F2F Meeting
hotrod


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First F2F Meeting
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Hi Rookie
Glad that you found a meeting and attended. That you responded so emotionally is a good sign. I know that when I first found alanon I too responded with tears because I felt connected, understood and accepted. When I have trouble sleeping I like Pushka's suggestion of a "gratitude list "as I try to sleep and if all else fails I go to the Health Food store and buy Meletonin. It is a natural supplement and helps me sleep through the night.
 
 
You are correct, Alanon is a Spiritual program and not a religious program. I define religion as an organized collection of belief systems, cultural systems, and world views that relate to spirituality and, moral values.
 
 
The term spirituality has been defined as the search for "the sacred," Spiritually accepts that there is a Power for Good in the World that can be relied on for guidance and assistance. This Power is whatever we can decide to place our belief in. In the beginning, I used alanon and alanon tools as my Higher Power. Some people use Good Orderly Direction as their GOD.
 
As for
Detach with love is a tool alanon members strive to use in order to keep the focus on themselves, and to stop interfering with anyone else's life, by giving advise or telling people what they should do or think.   It tells us we are not responsible for anyone else's behavior  but our own    That being so we must disconnect or feelings from he behavior of others and reconnect our feelings to our lives and our behavior.
 
That detachment helps us to keep the focus on ourselves and improve our own behavior and attitude.   Many can only do this by completely disconnecting from the alcoholic and working toward disconnecting with respect and compassion (love) This like every other tool is learned slowly.
 
Progress not perfections.   All you need to do is to take what you like and leave the rest. Keep an open mind on the subject and keep coming back
 
It is a powerful program and works


-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 3rd of May 2013 09:03:58 AM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
rookie95


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I went to my first F2F meeting this morning.  It's been hard to find a meeting that fits into my schedule.  I'm not sure I'll be able to make it back to this particular one next week, but am still looking.

When I first left the meeting, I thought I didn't really get anything out of it, but on my way home I broke down and cried terribly.  I guess some of the things that were said rang true with me.  

I still feel confused, and I still don't understand what is going on.  I know that both AA and Al-Anon say they are not affiliated with any one religion, but I really got the feeling that everyone was talking about God when they were referring to their higher power.  Can someone help me with this?

I do think that I have a bit more understanding about the alcoholism though.  Previously, I would say things to my ABF like "why can't you just stop drinking?" or make threats like "if you drink then you can't stay here at my house".  I know now that alcoholism is truly a disease and that he couldn't "just stop".  

I've been reading, and know that I need to set boundaries for when he comes home from rehab.  I'm still waiting to hear back from his counselor as to whether or not we can have a "family session".  There are things that I feel we need to discuss, and would feel much more comfortable if we could do it with a trained counselor present.  

Question - what is "detach with love"?  What does that mean, and what does that look like?  I heard it mentioned a few times at the meeting this morning.

Thanks for listening!



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rookie95


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Oh, on another note - I haven't been sleeping well at all (hence being up and posting at 3 AM). Any suggestions? Also, I've been feeling extra stressed as a single parent with a 3 year old child. I guess I was relying on my BF more then I realized. And one last thing - ever since our visit last Sunday, my son's behavior at day care has been "bad", and he hasn't been sleeping well either. He and I have been butting heads all week. Could this also be related to the fact that he is used to my BF being here and is confused that he is gone? I told him that my BF was sick and was staying with a special doctor to help him get better.

Thanks!

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Pushka


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Hugs Rookie,

First off, many people call their higher power God. You only need to focus on who is the God of your understanding. Maybe it's not "God" in the traditional sense .. it doesn't mean you can't call your higher power Joe if that is what works for you. It's finding something bigger than me .. I think of my relationship with my HP is unique just like thumb print .. it doesn't have to work for anyone else except me. In any Alanon or AA meeting I attend, I only have to take what I like and leave the rest. I'm not going to agree with what everyone shares or how they choose to handle certain situations .. they are def not going to always agree with what I do .. LOL .. that's the beauty of the program .. they don't have to because they don't life my life.

Children .. hmm .. what I have found with my two and they are older is if I'm ok then they are too. They def pick up on when I'm struggling with things. If I'm not sleeping, taking care of me, then they are much more crabby to each other. I'm sure some routine has him thrown off. Children are very resilient. It's like focusing on the negative .. so child did you have a bad day? Or WOW .. how was your day today? If you are nervous and stressing every time you go near him .. yes he's going to react to that. I would suggest that maybe before engaging him you take some deep cleansing breaths, smile and relax in talking to him and just being with him. Put the focus on what you are doing with him vs what he might rather be doing with your boyfriend who isn't there.

The sleep thing is I do a gratitude list A - Z I used to have to write it out in the beginning now I can do it in my head .. I find this gets my mind distracted enough to let go of whatever is going on so I can at least get to sleep.

Keep coming back, hugs, P :)



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi, stick with the meetings. They have changed my life. The idea of higher power can be tricky at first. I'm not very religious but I have a higher power. For me it's the big picture, like realising I'm a tiny speck on this earth and most things around me are outwith my control so I go with life rather than fight against it. It's an idea that offers freedom and trust that what is supposed to happen will happen. Don't worry about not getting it just trust that millions of people worldwide have happy life's through alanon. Read the daily readings, use the slogans attend meetings and feel the changes. You are so lucky, so many don't find it.x



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