The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OMG! Smack in the face by the past, at least hope in the past.
Hubby and I were seperated 18 months. After 45 days of inpatient treatment, we are livinging together again. He's about 90 days clean and presently at intensive outpatient treatment as we speak.
Well, my intentions were to make room for his clothes in his own closet in my (now our) home.
in the bottom of a box, I found a book of old telephone numbers. You know, the other users, dealers, losers he a threw away many years with.
It hurt! Made my heart beat fast! I threw them away.
his company issued cell phone is active, but the phone is broken. I am not sure who he's been in contact with since he's been home.
Im not sure what's what with my feelings. I can pretty much take it or leave it. nothing would surprise me.
One thing I know for sure is, I can take care of myself.
UGH .. the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, heart racing, and so on .. you know I always figure that kind of stuff is HP's way of telling me that I need to remember this is not fantasyland (not saying that is where you are, speaking for myself) I get to comfortable start thinking ohhh .. he's seen the light (again your situation is different than mine). HP has a way of bring me into reality and saying .. you better keep with your own program and this is just a reminder of what was, while I don't need to live in the past .. I do need the reminders that yes .. things were that bad at one point and I can find the gratitude I am very able to take care of myself and be ok.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
((((Sincerely))))...I remember being told when I was early in Al-Anon that "This program talks easy and works hard"...I was also told that "Al-Anon is a simple program for complicated people". I appreicated all that help because Al-Anon wasn't usual for me and I was going to have to learn another way of living my life not using my normal behaviors. It took me a long time...trial and error....trial and error...trial and success and then duplicate the successes. I was told "don't be too hard on yourself" in the early days when the mistakes were more often than the success..."Time takes time...easy does it" I even learned how to appologize to my alcoholic/addict wife when I broke a trust and she didn't know it. It's been told me many times in the past that "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" and that one keeps me very close to the program as suggested. Keep coming back....remember the distilled version of the 12 steps, "Trust God...clean house...help others" (((((hugs)))))
Thank you for this post. I get it. I especially liked the reminders that the fast heart beat and sick feeling in the stomach is a reminder of the reality of this disease and not to take it lightly. Otherwise, why would our body react so strongly. Good luck to you and I'm glad that your husband is in rehab. I pray that mine makes it there. Thanks for your post. I needed to hear this.
