The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been on in a while and things have Noreen going pretty good. I do have a question/dilemma haven't seen covered. The wife has really cut down the drinking a lot. I have not commented on it at all and the less attention seemed to work. She has gone from a large bottle of wine most nights to a small bottle over about a week, and not all in one night so mainly a glass a few nights a week. Even though I don't count drinks I think everyone can relate to the saying of "you just know".
Anyways, the other day she said she feels better since she has cut the excessive drinking. I simply replied that I was glad she feels better. Then yesterday in the car, she commented she gets so much more done when she isn't drunk on the weekend. Then she says, don't you think I am doing better? I wanted to say I have jumped for joy on a weekend when she is sober and when she has only had a small bottle of wine on a weekend as opposed to two large bottles I am so happy. But I sort of deflected in and said she had worked hard around the house this weekend and she did a great job on what she did. I didn't want to say none of it mattered long me if she did nothing as long as there was no alI say. What do I say when she asks about her drinking and doing better again? I want to support her but don't want to feed attention to the disease.
Hdftby...you done good and I'm sure she could feel the body language and attempt to control your response...Everyone involved within alcoholism has that sensitivity to dealing with it. You done good and chances are there were thousands of "good" responses also and pat yerself on the back brother...good job. Are you attending face to face Al-Anon meetings? Have you been properly introduced to the program including what you attract here at MIP? Getting that close support also helped me a ton when I was in your place. You got some stuff I didn't have at the same time and of course my spouse didn't "cut back" and neither did I. Just don't join her with the drinking like I did cause my alcoholic/addict would take that as affirmation and spun out of control into a distant orbit. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
So glad you are here. What a difficult spot to be and you did very well in responding to her. I know from my past that there were times when I wouldn't have done so well. This disease is so powerful and turned both of us into people we weren't.
Jerry had some great suggestions. I hope in you keep coming back.
Yours in recovery,
Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Sounds like she is baiting and manipulating you....good job on not taking the bait. At some point you may need to say what is really so for you and not worry about supporting and encouraging until she is in recovery. I often took the bait, got encouraged myself and fell hard when the shrinking drinking stopped...be prepared for the fall. hugs!
