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This weekend I was forced to face the fact that my significant other of 14 years began using meth again, completely devestating our family. I have a 17 and 14 year old daughters from a previous relationship that he has raised as his own. Before I explain what is going on now I should back up to 2007...
He was arrested for manufacturing meth (>900grams) and sent to prison for 10 years. The months prior to his arrest were so horrific I was forced to leave him approximately 6 weeks before his arrest. I was completely blindsided as I had no clue he was using, let alone, making meth. He was delusional/hallucinating, paranoid, abusive and blind with rage most of the time. After we finally left he lost complete control and his secret was found out. His family rallied around him, shutting out my daughters and myself. As time wore on they got "sick" of dealing with him and began to convince me that I was his only help. Getting his family back would be the only thing that would give him a second chance at life. We rebuilt our relationship during his 4 years of incarceration and when he was released he came home and we picked up as a happy family again. That was 1 1/2 ago...
Recently I've noticed irratic behavior, complete rage against myself and accusations against my 17 year old daughter that are delusional. In the previous 2 weeks he has said that he believes her boyfriend is coming through the walls or a trap door in her floor to get into her room. I have caught him under our house in our crawlspace trying to find access to her room. There is no way for me to bring him back to reality. She has a window in her room and I have asked him why the guy wouldn't just crawl in the window? He has no answer. My first instinct was that he was using again, I work in healthcare so I brought a drug test home for him to take, he became irrate and refused and left for an hour. I persisted and told him he would not be allowed to stay if he did not take the test. He was negative, he peed in the cup in front of me but it was at an angle that I could not see his penis. I was so relieved that he was clean, I didn't even think he could have altered the test. Friday I involved his family because is anger toward me was becoming borderline dangerous. They see his delusional behavior and believe that he may have a mental illness, they had me convinced too. However, once bitten twice shy...it just keeps eating at me that he is using again. I have no proof other than his history and behavior.
I am mostly pissed off that his family is in such denial. I think it is easier to believe that he is mentally ill rather than using again. Because of his fixation with my daughter, I told him he could no longer live in our house. Once again his family has rallied around him leaving me and my daughters to pick up the pieces of our broken home.
I came to this site because I need strength, encouragement and support to make sure he is never allowed back in our lives. He called my daughter a whore last night and seeing her face sealed the deal for me. I would never put him over the safety and wellness of my daughters.
For starters, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. This is devastating, I know, and you have great courage. Connecting on this forum will provide you a place to share and receive strength and hope. Find an al anon or nar anon group that you can begin attending so others can witness/hear your story and help you to begin healing yourself. You will need support. I know other MIP'ers will offer additional pearls of guidance and wisdom as your post is read. We really do read and digest each others posts....you can get support while still in your pj's Keep coming back...hugs
Aloha Manor...welcome to the board. From my "other" personality as a former behavioral health therapist counseling in a drug and alcohol recovery program you get an "A+" for the choice you made and the follow thru you performed. You know and know that you know that relapsing by taking up with him again which he had no program of recovery working isn't even remotely sane and assuring. Do not do that again. Read up and learn as much as you can about Meth addicts and what the chemical does to their brains and nervous systems. What they become isn't remotely normal and neither is how they think, perceive, rationalize, emote or behave. Crystal Methamphetamine isn't asprin or some OTC pain reliever...Meth makes brain cells disappear and those brain cells are very necessary to be able to even try to have a normal life. You're not only ending a relationship you are ending a relationship with a fatal disease. I suggest you got to the white pages of your local telephone book and see if you can find the hotline phone number for "Al-Anon". Call that number and find out where some of us meet in your area and when and listen to see if "Alateen" is also available for your eldest daughter because she is also affected by this. If they have Alateen available...take her to her first meeting and let her ask you when she can go back. Young people change faster than us adults and my experience also include counseling them and sponsoring Alateen in the area I lived in.. Let us know how you are doing. ((((hugs))))
Sounds like you made great decisions and protected yourself and children. I hope you can find local al-anon meetings in your area. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Keep coming back...hugs