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And all I can say is it was a weekend and a half, .. I'm emotionally drained on the other hand I feel like I have taken a major step in healing myself.
Confirmation was amazing .. my girl looked beautiful, my son looked sharp and yes of course there were hiccups I expected it so I tried to just keep my focus on the kids and what was best for them. My son had a WONDERFUL time at his friends birthday party. I can't say enough about the sermon today .. it was truly exactly what I needed to hear and it literally prepared me for what happened in the following 2 1/2 hours after service. Yes the God of my understanding has a wicked sense of humor to say the least!
There was an issue of drinking while the STBAX had the kids and I really need to make sure that in the custody agreement it is stated clearly that he is absolutely NOT to drink 12 hours before he has the kids and while he has the children. There were other issues that needed to be addressed as well. He's just not ok and he's def NOT making good decisions right now. Something is way way way up at this point and it's just not going to shock me to find out that he's quit his job or gotten fired even. It's time for me to focus on me .. knowing that I need to get that in the agreement is huge. I'm going to have to have some other things stated as well .. he's just again .. not ok.
I got closure on the situation with the original other woman .. I don't want to go into the gory details .. let's say .. there was NO jerry springer moment I asked 1 question, and made 2 statements and that was the end, my voice was low and clear AND I looked amazing as we were just finishing up from being out celebrating from confirmation. What happened after that I don't care and it's not my concern. Yes, .. before anyone asks .. I do feel good about it and probably will for a LONG time to come. I am not here to judge, I don't know someone else's heart .. I know I have a right to say, no, .. that is not ok behavior and it hurt me. It was very validating to say it outloud. She will forever now have to put a face to her choice. Before I was just a figment of someone to ignore as I truly didn't exist. The best part is .. letting go. I feel like I can actually do it now!
It brought home that not everyone is going to agree with what I did and I have to remember something .. to thy own self be true .. and for me .. no one else has the same shoe size as I do in this particular situation. My pain is my own and that's ok. Needless to say I heard from the STBAX 2 hours later .. he was completely freaked out. I'm ignoring everything unless it has to do with the kids. There is a court date on the docket that has been delayed at this point. I don't think he knows ... my atty just had a baby this month (as in less than 2 weeks ago) and now .. LOL .. his sleezy atty tried to schedule a hearing sooo NOT happening. Literally he scheduled it 4 days after she had the baby.
Before Alanon I would have taken the time to take away from my daughters weekend and make it about me. I waited until they came home from their dads, removed them from the situation on both accounts my children were never present, and the way it all worked out was really God's timing. I would have been shrill, crass, and probably in sweats and a ponytail .. LOL! It did feel good not to do any of that .. I said sooo little and yet what I said was soooo very much. I def wouldn't have said a word before Alanon or attending the AA meetings. I had no self esteem to say the least.
Anyway, .. I'm ready to start my day VERY early tomorrow so I better get to bed. Tomorrow is a WHOLE day where I just focus on ME .. what do I need to do to make my dreams come true and I feel REALLY free!!
Hugs and much healing to all, thanks for letting me share, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
thanks for a great post; I will just say that this weekend felt like 40 days and 40 nights to me too, so it was really affirming to feel your strength come through your words early this morning.
I hope things continue to move smoothly for you, and I'm inspired by your strength
Hugs, Pushka, sounds like everything is in place for your own healing. So glad the kids had a good weekend anyway and that you enjoyed them despite all the drama surrounding the STBX.
I don't know about how smoothly things went .. it was very surreal .. that's the best way to describe the events. My mouth didn't have control of my brain which is a good thing .. lol.
It's one of those things that my darkest fantasies are coming to pass and honestly I'm not in control of how they present themselves. It's kind of creepy that the reality is a LOT better than the fantasy .. ok .. except one .. the burning truck .. LOL .. I have let go of that one however .. it's probably one of my more colorful ones, I love the movie waiting to exhale when the woman scorned lights that Mercedes up and all of her X's stuff is in it .. that's a high five for every person who would love to do that and has enough sense not to. When I talk about it .. honestly it's for me it's a running joke from when I started the board I was sooo READY to light that sucker up. Soooo .. I've come a long way baby. I was looking at the truck yesterday and thinking .. ohhh boy .. poor whiskey truck has seen its better days.
The anger is sooo GONE .. I mean the bulk of it .. this has been happening slowly and quickly .. in Feb with the accident .. that took a BIG portion .. yesterday another hunk left. I feel a little raw, a little insecure ... then I think nooo .. what I feel is brave and free. I stood up for myself .. I stopped being invisble and I stopped allowing my STBAX and the "friend" to have power over me by bringing the situation into the light.
I guess I have felt invisible for such a long time to say hey you need to look at ME, I'm NOT invisble and it hurt!
Anyway, .. LOL .. I'm still a LOT in shock, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka, I can relate to your post so much...my AH and his mistress are still seeing each other while AH lives in the house with me and the kids and denies everything, but he is finally in the process of getting his own apartment, but it may take another two weeks. In the meantime, he was not respecting my boundaries and kept coming into my bedroom at night, trying to sleep with me and groping me, and just being generally disgusting. I had also found out that while I was away on a 2 night business trip, he had her come and spend the night after he put the kids to bed, and leave before they woke up. He just wanted to keep one foot in the door with me in case his mistress didn't work out. I had also heard that she said some awful things about me, that I was a bad mom and I didn't give my AH sex, obviously believing every word he said. She is well known and respected in town in the particular profession she is in, so I really hope after he moves out that she gets her due. In the meantime, I know I did everything I could to keep this marriage together and I even gave AH three chances after finding out about the affair, and he did not change a single thing or make any amends. However, I was very tempted to throw all of his stuff out on the lawn and change the locks, but I remained civil. For me, this felt like I was still the doormat, but I just have to be patient. His time will come.
I finally demanded that he move out this weekend, so he went and stayed with her all weekend while he worked his new job. The kids and I had a peaceful weekend without him. Sadly, they did not even miss him. When he came back briefly to pick up some things, he had been drinking after work and did not keep his promise to take the kids to the river. Just yelled at them to eat their dinner, after being away from them all weekend. Amazing. He tries not to drink around his mistress and put up a good front, and this same woman thought her ex-husband was an alcoholic and did not tolerate his drinking at all and yet, here she is with my AH, drinking beer with him and thinking he has no problem. Just wait.
Custody of the children is going to be interesting because he has inflicted emotional/verbal abuse on all of us and he has been writing emails to his other woman, convincing her to buy a handgun, and that he is going to buy one, too, and he is not safe with guns when he is drinking.
