The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just realizing I'm back to step I again powerless over alcohol I keep forgetting that. My ah keeps flip flopping on our relationship doesn't know what he wants I'm tired of it I am still looking for the sober man he was before he relapsed after 20years sobriety we are married 29 years.Im always falling back to what could I do differently I ve been in alanon for 2years along with a therapist who speaks alanon. I wish I had the courage to tell him to leave but I love him and I try to remember its his addiction talking he only wants out when things get rough my best friend has stage4 bladder cancer and my sister has stage 3 brain tumor so this week he decided to go on a binge then tell me it's my fault and he wants out. He's said this before but came back I just don't know anymore is it his drinking or maybe he reallyfeels this way I'm so confused but the bigger ? Is why do I stay and accept this behavior thanks for listening
Aloha Pipper...that share reminds me of when I had to ramp up my program...get it from my "knowing it" to my "doing it" the practice, practice, practice. Step one is a when I wake up practice. My eyes open and I ask...place me where you want me and tell me what to do and then I go to doing what I've practiced on this journey called recovery. I don't second guess myself anymore...no what iffn or maybe this or maybe thats. Keeping it simple keeps it real and I don't go walking around in circles much anymore. They're gonna do what they decide to do...I try to not make it any of my business most of the time and when they want to share it with me I do the best I can with what I have which isn't everything...just my part. Back to step one....OK!! (((hugs))))
Hi Pipper, I have to work step 1 every day. I don't think I've ever said, "yep, I've got it, I don't have to ever think about step 1 ever again." Just not going to happen because this disease has us up and down if we let it, right? I'm sorry about your friend and sister. I can share my story, similar in many ways. My AH was dry for 15 years and then picked up drinking again(binge drinking, not daily drinking so I am always on my toes which really makes it interesting, LOL) 2 years ago. My dad was dying in the fall of 2011 and I remember thinking that my AH didn't care and I felt so unsupported by him. I kept wondering where my husband went? What I've realized is that this program and his picking up the drinking again has allowed me the awareness to start seeing who I really am, giving me the courage to find my HP and learning to leave things to HP's will instead of my own. I didn't realize how broken our marriage really was until things came crashing down with the drinking and his subsequent DUI. I've been in Al Anon a little over a year and also have a therapist and I often wonder why I stay, as well. Only my HP knows the answer for that for me and I pray daily to be in HIS will and then I pray that I can carry it out. It's all in the steps and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hugs to you tonight, I hope this helps to know you are not alone.
