The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have faced the fact that my marriage of 26 years is broken beyond repair because he doesn't want or doesn't have the willpower to stick to a treatment/abstinence program. I quit a horrible job last month and don't have any prospects of anything on the horizon. I went to the beach last week and there are help wanted signs everywhere for the upcoming summer season. It is so unlike me but I am so ready to pick up and move there. I always wanted to do it when I was young but was with my husband from high school on. My kids are on their own and self supporting. So, the time would be now to do something so unlike anything I've ever done. I'm scared in many ways. I am shy and would be leaving many friends and family that give me lots of support. It's only about 3 hours from home so it's not too far away and it would only be for a the summer unless I totally fell in love with the place. I have vacationed there quite often so I know I love the place but living there could be different. Getting out of town where my AH doesn't know where to find me sounds good too as he is a little stalkerish and scary. I know I'm rambling but I feel excited about doing it but I'm scared to death and thinking out loud. Opinions on whether you stayed where things were familiar or made big moves like this when everything was changing due to your alcoholic's decisions.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Hi wornout. I think it sounds like a brilliant idea. Just find your nearest alanon group and you will find friends. Lovely photo, it's so nice to see a face behind the name.x
Thank you el-cee. That's my tea cup shih tzu that I grew on my own from my two other shih tzus. She is my girl and bff these days. Just wish she had shown up a little better.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
I can't think of a more wonderful idea! Endless ocean, sun, and fresh air for three months! I have moved alot, but now that I know that everywhere go there is an Alanon, it makes it less scary! Three months sounds like a wonderful window of time to let your mind be free (of all of the alcoholic drama!). I say "Go for it!" Absolutely! BlueCloud
Sounds to me that your HP was also at the beach with you. What do you have to lose? Go for it.............there may never come a chance again to do something like this for yourself.
I had a job that I didn't like, and my bosses thought I was stuck, because DDH was between engagements at the time. The only time he didn't have a career, but it lasted a few years. We ate up his first retirement and I got a job and he said he'd go do anything, but he didn't.
And I asked myself what I would like to do and the answer was "Go to the beach, and not for two weeks--for at least 3 months." So I called a realtor in North Carolina, where we had spent a vacation with husband's family and told her I wanted to rent a beach house and what I'd be able to pay and she found one that was for sale--I'd have to be ready for the house to be shown at all times and move out if it sold. And I had husband drive my big teddy bear and my things out and I flew.
I had never lived alone, and I felt pretty strange and isolated, but I got up early every morning and walked on the beach, sewed baby clothes for the grandchild who was coming that summer, and when he was born I loaded up the car and the bear and drove to Florida. I'd never driven that much on highways. The bear came in handy when we crossed a Very Tall Bridge near Savannah--he helped me scream. Then after a visit there I drove cross country back to our house. And then I went back to Florida (had husband drive again--I'd proved I could, didn't need to do that again) and rented a house for a semester and took care of the grandbaby while his parents worked. And if husband hadn't found a job, I wouldn't have gone back home, but he found one during the first three months.
You couldn't be more timid or scared than I was, so I know if I did it anyone can. It was empowering. And since you'd be working, and hopefully could find an Alanon group, you would meet some people.
When wonen say, I'd love to do--whatever--I tell them my story, how I went to the beach by myself for three months when husband was out of work. If that doesn't inspire them, I tell them about my friend who told me how she had loaded her TV and her clothes into her car and drove from Oklahoma to New York City when she was 18. Now That was gutsy!
I think you will love it. Hugs, Temple
__________________
It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
That sounds wonderful, the thought of having a nice three months working by the beach makes me want to try it. I think you need to follow your heart and try something new. Good for you!
Hugs, to thy ownself be true!! Go have an adventure!! Hugs p :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I came to Wilmington, NC for a one month vacation.. then returned back to Pittsburgh, packed my stuff up and moved here. I love it. From my place I am 10 minutes from Wrightsville Beach and 30 minutes from Carolina Beach... While I don't spend as much time at the beach as I would like to, it is just nice knowing I can go watch the waves, the sun come up or go down over the ocean... any time I want. When I need a time out vacation now, I go to the Blue Ridge Mountains outside Roanoke VA. About 5 hour drive, but worth every mile.
One of the things I value most about recovery is the freedom I have today. To make decisions and then plans, and then... follow through.
Hope you are ready for a wonderful adventure called .... Living.
John
__________________
" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Hi Wornout, I think it sounds like a wonderful idea too. Remember it need not be permanent. But there's a reason it's calling to you so strongly. It sounds like a way to get a new perspective in more ways than one.
As so many others can, i can relate! Leaving any relationship is difficult; trying to leave a long marriage is hideous. I am in this process as well (21+yrs married) and just want to let you know many people share your feelings. I also grew up by the beach and it is so healing to be near the water--go! This sounds like a great plan....we are so challenged to do things just for ourselves; take this opportunity, it sounds great!
All I can say is every time I didn't listen to my HP I ended up in a world of pain.
if your heart (not the disease) really wants to try this then I would go for it. Just dont burn any bridges behind you. But if you're running and looking for a geographical cure I do not suggest it.
Also Whenever the motive is to punish I have to look for another solution. If my motive is relief I also have to seek another way. There is only true growth (which will include no repeats of the situation) in sitting with pain and fear and using tools no matter where we are. If you feel like just doing it for your own growth than I don't see why not, but it won't "fix" the problem. Whatever you choose i wish you the best.
Sometimes we all need a little space to step back from ourselves and those around us, to think, to breathe and to find our souls again. Especially when we have been damaged. If I could, I would do exactly as you are talking about. None of us can tell you what would be right for you, only you can decide that. I agree with WorkingThroughIt, if your motive is true, this could be very good for you. A few months of peace and healing time could be very good for you. I know for me the sound of the waves is so very healing.
I appreciate all of the responses. Good points and new things to think about. I am still seriously mulling it over. My courage to do it comes and goes. I keep getting hung up on if I could pay for everything totally on my own. Living alone and paying full rent would be tough. I am living in apartments owned by my dad right now and paying a greatly reduced rent and it is still tough sometimes. You know those darn details of reality. It's so easy to do it in my fantasy of just loading up the car and going for it. This is one of those times that I wish I was a little more of an impulsive person. Oh well, I believe that if I continue to think and pray on the issue that the answer will come to me.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
I am going through the same thing and trying to get out from under Dads pocketbook. I am finding that self-care with what I eat and loving myself like doing my nails or whatever, spending time with God and feeling His love, those things make me feel better about myself and more rested. I will even have to give the car back! If I don't do this I will keep repeating my stuff.
I have covered many mes running from Responsibiltiy and depending on others for comfort and security...I am done.
So the only nearby town I can afford is probably A studio near the train about 15 miles away...not too far. It's certainly not my first choice but it's doable and there are Alanon and AA meetings there.
So tomorrow I go out and look for a little job, nothing fancy. Little steps. But I self-care and spend time with God FIRST.
There are no mistakes...we always get the growth if its not right and we will have Gods mark of approval if it is - Peace.
In my heart I know God wants Me to be healthy enough to be of service.
Your postings made me think about the Just for Today book mark it's got some great wisdom on there, .. keep up the good work you will know what is right and not so much!!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
