The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, today went as well as can be expected. STBXAH came by the house late this afternoon with the signed divorce papers and a little $ to start paying me back. It was incredibly hard to see him. He gave mea hug but I just couldn't go there. When he hugged me I just couldn't reciprocate. I heard and felt a sob escape his body and his lips as he held me.
He is coming back early tommorrow morning to load up his things and head to his new hometown, his new life, his new love. Before he left today, he hugged me again and said "you know, this doesn't have to be a bad thing." I thought I was going to kill him, but I kept my cool. I just stared at him and he said "I know you are angry". I said "Do you blame me?" He put his head down and whispered "No, I don't blame you." I told him to go be with his own family and to leave me alone for the evening.
Thank God my BFF was able to get across town in time to be with me during this situation. I cried uncontrollably in her arms for a couple minutes after he left, then wiped my tears, took a deep breath, and tried to move on. We had a glass of wine; and recently I had asked her and all my friends to "tell me a story" about how my life is going to get better from here. She told me a wonderful tale about how my goodness, honesty and unconditional love will come back to me threefold someday very soon.
My auntie came over and helped me pack up the last of his things. Now, all is packed and ready to go.
By far the WORST day I have ever lived. I have hit bottom. But from here it can only get better. Tomorrow BFF and I are going to lunch, going to get the papers signed and notarized, and I'll have them at the courthouse by the end of the day. The divorce will be finalized while I'm with my sister at her wedding next week. How ironic. But I can't wait to be with my family in a beautiful, beachy locale, enjoying her special day.
Thanks again to all of you for your love and your prayers. I felt you all here with me and it meant the world to me.
Blondie I hope this is the beginning for you of much more peace and happiness in your life. Thank goodness you have a close friend to share your feelings with and a family that you have close. God Bless.
Hi Blondie - your post makes me think of when my ex came to get his stuff finally - how his phone rang in the midst with "my" ringer (Sugar Sugar) his new girlfriend trying to find him. At one point he tried to hug me but I stiffened and rejected him, walking away saying he didn't get to be nice! At one point he tried to put off taking some of it because he'd get it later and I pushed him until he got mad but he took it, I didn't want to prolong the agony or give him reason to have to come back. At the end he said, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry" and I muttered that it wasn't worth anything and again walked away. When he got the completed judgment of divorce he rang me for help because he spent the day drinking his woes away and couldn't drive home; He didn't think I would do it so fast (file the paperwork) - what did he expect? probably that I'd hang onto him because deep down he thought I loved him too much - never really getting that it is BECAUSE I love him so much that I HAD to get it over with.
Have a great beautiful beachy wedding week!
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
OMG Likemyheart - my XAH said the EXACT same thing to me!!! "For what it's worth...quack quack quack." I told him that he was not at a point where he could make amends to me, but I look forward to hearing from him at that time. What, do they have an alcoholic husband divorce script or something? LOL
