The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He has been for a long time. He's been to rehab before (before we met) and it hasn't helped. He decided the other day that he wanted to go again. Said that he is serious this time. I am really hoping that he means it. Have so many questions. What do I do when he comes home? How do I act, how do I treat him, how do I not feel suspicious, what can I do to help him, etc. Any help you guys can give me would be greatly appreciated.
Act like yourself. He will either recover or not and it's not on you. It doesn't hurt to support and encourage his ongoing AA participation, but that is also his journey. Focus on you.
I am glad that your partner is seeking help. Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease and anyone living with this disease also requires a program of recovery. Your partner has AA , and rehab Alanon is the recovery program for family members.
I have felt the same concern that you expressed and would like to suggest that the best you could do for yourself, your partner, and your relationship, is to search out alanon , face to face meetings in your community and attend
Help in finding a meeting can be obtained at the following web site:
Thank you hotrod and pinkchip. I have been trying to get to an alanon meeting for a while, but the ones in my area are not at convenient times. :( I am a single parent and most of the meetings are during the day while I'm at work, or at night when I need to be home with my son. I attempted to go to a meeting once (that I found online), and it turned out that it was an NA meeting not an alanon meeting (as listed on the website). I felt so disappointed! Also, that same night that I attempted to go to the meeting, I left my boyfriend to babysit my son and when I came home he was drunk! :(
I am praying that he is serious about his recovery this time. He has told me several times in the past that he hates going to AA meetings. He says he feels like he is being judged. I have told him several times that I support his recovery, but that I am not an alcoholic so I don't understand what he is going through. He is always attempting to talk to me about what is going on, and I help as much as I can, but keep telling him that he needs a "friend" (sponsor) that he can talk to who actually understands what he feels.
When are these online meetings held? Maybe I can attend one of those instead of a face to face meeting - although I would love to go to one of them. Is there ever a time that I could bring my son to the meeting (he's 3)?
Ditto what pinkchip and hotrod have posted. Focus on you...many answers to your questions will present themselves through your recovery. In the initial stages of my husband's recovery, I needed to remind him that I was his wife and not his therapist/sponsor. At the time he resisted getting a sponsor. I knew I had to focus on my recovery and not get all caught up in his stuff anymore. Keep coming back to this forum for additional support.