The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I am frustrated. I am having a hard time figuring out what I need and how to get it, or state it. I am at a very confused grumpy place...
Husband took off last night in middle of night, woke up at 4am he wasn't here. He went to ex wifes. (no not cheating... she works nights and we are friends she gave him key when I asked him to leave) It is a clean safe place. But I was mad. I had no idea he was going. He stayed until his counsiling today and came ohome around noon.
After a lot of argueing he told me he didn't tell me cause he didn't want to fight. He wanted to go because he was paraniod and seeing stuff and trying to stay clean but he didn't want to deal with me. I am always freaking out and telling him not to leave and treating him like he is stupid when he is seeing things.
Me I think he is using when he is out at all hours of the night. I think he is hallucinating because he was using. Also I think at night he should come in from working in the garage at a reasonable hour and spend sometime with me. If we are goign to try to work things out he should make our relationship important. I get mad when he doesn't come to bed or sleeps in living room and I feel ignored. I don't like it when he is gone all day and finds excuses to be away all night too. I feel alone.
I get his perspective in a way, i do get bit***y but I feel like I am sticking up fo rmyself. I just don't want to back down. Latley it seems like he is picking fights at night. last night he wanted me to get rid of all our animals he hates them blah blah blah and yes I got rude. I said no, he said you don't take care of stuff enough, I said I have been managing our house, kids, business, farm everythign for 4 months while he was too strung out to help. (not my best moment). But then he got in car to leave I texted him he said he was staying home. I went to bed he said he would be right in then he started tripping out and left.
I just don't know how to address my needs and see his point of view. I am honestly almost too tired of all this to try.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so worn and tired. This is a dreadful disease and trying to get bread from the hardware store is impossible. Arguing defending, engaging in any fashion does not work and causes more negative reactions.
I found that validating myself helped me to feel better without looking for the other people to validate me. Your stating that you had handled everything for the past 4 months was a great response.
Detachment, alanon phone calls for support, meetings, daily reading, living one day at a time, focused on yourself works.
Such good advice. I can't bring myself to call alanon friends most of the time when I'm feeling down, but when I do, it really works. Get some rest Rinn, and make those calls. I'm thinking of you.
