"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

keohone · Newbie

suicide

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((Joan))))))),
Sending hugs and loving prayers. Your post is indeed helpful, and very generous as well. My eyes fill with tears as I read it. Alcoholism is indeed a cruel and shattering disease.

ParisMemories · Senior Member

Dear Joan

I am so very sorry. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family at this tragic time. Love and hugs

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Joan - While you are in an understandable amount of pain, I want to tell you that reading you story gives me goose bumps. I am a recovering alcoholic and when I read/hear things like you wrote, it strengthens my resolve to stay sober. People in open AA meetings would benefit from hearing this because folks that die obviously don't make it to the rooms of AA to tell their stories and they do need to be heard. I am so grateful you shared this here. I also know there are folks on this board that have almost the same story to tell with their kids and other loved ones....sadly....so you are not alone.

I acted like your daughter many times. I remember clutching a bottle of pills and screaming I wanted to kill myself multiple times. I wanted attention, I wanted other people to take my pain away just like I wanted the bottle to do it. It didn't work. It never works. That was something horrible I had to make ammends for putting other people through. Also, I know I'm blessed that I didn't actually do it because alcohol will numb us to the point that we just don't care like we normally would. It takes away both good and bad inhibitions. My partner at the time (also alcoholic) did swallow a bunch of pills and almost died while wasted. This is probably the most common way (or at least one of them) that alcholics die early....While in the midsts of a drunken self-pity session we threaten suicide and actually wind up doing it out of accident or just not being in our right mind.

So so sorry this happened to your daughter. I do know first hand that living as an active alcoholic is not fun and it's basically the life of a tortured soul. Recovery would have been ideal of course, but at least she's not suffering now. Prayers for you and your family...

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

There are no words that will touch the profound depth of sorrow that you and your loved ones are forced to undergo at this very, very sad time in your life. May the care of others being present for you as you grieve in ways that are best for you with your family offer you some measure of comfort, strength, hope and understanding for as long as you need us in the ways you need us to be there with you and for you.

Overcome · Senior Member

I too, want to add to the other's prayers of support. I also want to thank you for your post, as it has helped me greatly to understand the pain that taking one's own life takes on others. It is not only alcoholic's that reach these depths of despare. I also wanted to end my life of suffering not so long ago, it is a very, very lonely place that we find ourselves in when we reach that point of wanting to end our own lives.. and as pinkchip stated, we just want to end our own pain, not thinkning of the countless lives that will be effected by this one tragic choice. Fortunately my mind wasn't numbed with alcohol and I made the right choice and called 911 and got help. It was humiliating to have to admit that I "couldn't do it all" but it was better than the alternative; and I am so glad that I made the right choice. Thanks again keohone for sharing your story. My prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Overcome

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Joan

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Alcoholism is dreadful disease ,from which my son did not recover either. I do understand your pain and sorrow.

If you are not already attending , I urge you to search our alanon face to face meetings in your community. Here you will find comfort from people who understand as few others can

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sending you much love, prayer and support at this time! Wow this disease is ruthless. I hope you are able to get you and your grandchildren into the rooms of al-anon. Sending you so much love!!

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry.
May you and your family find peace and comfort.

Temple

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I have no real words of wisdom. I have seen suicide in my family and I know how much it hurts, everyone. Praying for you and your family and encouraging you to share your story with others so they can learn compassion for alcoholics and those suffering from the effects of this disease.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha (((Joan))) welcome to the board; the family that tragedy brought you to. We understand and empathize as we also have come to understand that alcoholism is a fatal disease. It kills period....you don't even have to have the bottle in hand when it does. It's very sad that she didn't reach those in recovery who understood her addictive love affair with alcohol. I've watched others pass on after that and I've never gotten use to it. Like some others I am also a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. I've had my experiences of approaching that door of death only to have a power greater than myself whisper "not now" and then relieve me of the scream for more. it also haunted my spirit and I was also suicidal and that is what brought me into the rooms of recovery. I learned here a new definition of suicide and put it into action just for myself. "Suicide isn't so much ending your life as it is ending how you live your life", and I'm grateful to have had the grace to learn that from both Al-Anon and AA.

Stick around with us and listen, listen, listen. Mark the suggestions to get to face to face Al-Anon Family Group meetings which is the mercy and grace that is left to you. You are left in the pain and anquish which is also very powerful especially during weak periods of time. Suicide isn't so much the ending of ones life as it is the ending of how you live it. I changed mine in Al-Anon and AA... Keep coming back here. Let us hold you and love you until you are able to do that for yourself.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry for your loss.

tortuga · Senior Member

I am feeling with you and am thankful you came here to share your experience in all honesty. it is so important to see truth and don't diminish the seriousness of this illness.
I wish you strength in these difficult days.
Keep coming back. in support

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh Joan, I have lost a friend and several rellies to suicide. But to lose a daughter would be gutwrenching. disbelief

Prayers and best thoughts to you and your family at this time, from across the Tasman.

DavidG.

NZ.

katfshh · Senior Member

I am so very sorry.

keohone · Newbie

THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU !!! THANK YOU!!! That is all I can do for now xxx

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

So very sorry for your loss. I have a son that is not doing good and all I can do is pray he will make it.

You and your family will be in my prayers..

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry to hear this--prayers to you & your family. Sometimes words don't comfort us, but hugs do! Here is a (((((HUG))))) for you!

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you for your post, and I am very sorry for your tragic loss.

I also worry about the fate of your two grandchildren, who witnessed the event (not to mention the many, many episodes beforehand). Al-Anon and/or Al-Ateen can do a world of good for both yourself and these two teenagers - I get concerned about the denial within the family - all well and good to protect their deceased mother's name - but hopefully that same level of denial is not being asked of your daughter's children). Counselling, supplemented by Al-Ateen, will give them the tools they need to understand & cope with their loss, and (hopefully) to not follow in those familiar footsteps.

Glad you found us - please keep coming back

Tom

keohone · Newbie

My son- in -law is now in hospital very sick. How much pain does my grandkids have to indure. All I feel at the moment is anger ,he too did drink a lot, and was in denial of his health problems (just have another drink and run around like two young lovers while the kids watched there crazyness).All I get from everyone is just remember the good times. Every good times ended in a drunken brawl. SCREAM!!!!!!!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Joan,

So very sorry to hear of the added pain to your family. What you just described is how many people try to cope with alcoholism---"Just remember the "Good Times". Believe me- It does not work.

Tom's suggestion that you check out alateeen for the children and continue alanon for yourself Is sound They will remember much more than the" good times"

Your family continues to be in my prayers

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Again K

I am so sorry that your pain is continuing. I lost my son to alcoholism 6 years ago and the deep pain caused by the loss of a child is like no other. Please search out a griel support group for parents. or an alanon group and atteend.

You need to connect with those who understand. Here is a great web site that oggers fantastic support to people experiencing the loss of due to suicide

http://forum.forsuicidesurvivors.com/index.php

Please continue to shae here as well.

-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 4th of May 2013 07:31:39 AM

keohone · Newbie

Well the pain has not eased over the last couple of weeks So at the moment I am barely coping. She was such a beautiful woman it is so hard to contonplate she is gone. I feel so alone because the family are going on as normal. It has made no difference to their way of life or their drinking. Denial it is so hard to understand. My other daughter is keeping her distance because I am so morbit and she wants to remember the good times and move on. The good times is when they were all parting and drinking. It is so hard to think she was in that much pain.Time and time I asked her why did she drink she would say I just like being drunk and having a good time.Dont you get sick of hearing this so called good time when they should say getting drunk.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"