The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my recovering AH is having a hard time sleeping because of all the household noises. The last two nights he has gone downstairs to sleep because "I" was snoring. Then when he goes downstairs the dog bothers him or he can hear our son's tv on, etc etc. So last night I fell asleep before he came home from his AA meeting. I guess it was around 10pm ish when I awoke to him throwing a little temper tantrum because I was coughing and it was keeping him awake. Before alanon I seriously would have apologized for me upsetting him and making him uncomfortable. That would have lead up to me not being able to sleep because in my mind I would be thinking is he mad at me, will he go downstairs and be a raging alcoholic or am I going to get the silent treatment for a couple days because I made his night uncomfortable. So last night when he was ranting on how he couldn't sleep, still groggy I said, "Are you having a bad time?" and promptly shut my eyes again and let him own his foolishness. None of the chasing fears in my mind of what the repercussions would be because I coughed or snored. The more I think about it...I can not count the sleepless nights I have had worried sick over him...the countless nights he would pass out and nothing on God's creation would wake him. Now that he is sober this is something people deal with on a normal basis. In the morning when he was leaving for work, not a mention out of my mouth on how was your sleep, did I do something to keep you awake...Now my attitude has changed to you can deal with it. Not my problem, it is his journey to figure out what the people around him do and act when he is sober. Sometimes it's frustrating living with a man that really doesn't know how to act sober when I have been living sober and dealing with everyday life the whole time. The good news is, I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and blessed. Much love to the MIP family today!
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 19th of April 2013 09:36:55 AM
I got a giggle out of your title, a typo obviously but it made me think of my son when he was little. He would always say 'tink' instead of 'think', LOL!
Sounds like you are working your program and getting healthy for you. My AH was always extremely sensitive to noise, just not so much when he sleeps. My AH snores and I now sleep in another room and he keeps apologizing, etc. I never complained about it, I just went and slept in another room and only talked about it if he asked. I need my sleep and I'm a very sensitive sleeper yet I never blame anybody else, I just make accomodations that work for me like ear plugs, sleeping in another room, etc.
Recovery is a bumpy ride and I'm assuming you already know that, LOL. Keep doing what you're doing! HUGS!
So glad you know just how to deal with this. This is all part of the disease. The uncomfortable feelings they have that they blame on every outside thing or person they can, when in fact the real trouble is inside. They are so sensitive but its an inside thing not your snoring and your son and dogs. It is all in his head but facing that fact or acknowledging it is too hard it is much easier to look outwards for the source of discomfort. My ex ah would binge drink, get sick and then say 'oh i think ive caught a bug or a virus' What!!!!! I would say no your ill because you have poisoned your body for the last few days with alcohol, you have not eaten and its all taking a toll on your body. He would argue that no way was alcoholism to blame!!!!. For years he would never blame the drink. Denial, so powerful. I had my own version though.x
