The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After a while you get used to living certain ways. My AH has been steadily attending AA meetings and going on one day at a time. He recieved his 90 coin last week and I was happy to go and support him. Last night was the first time in about 3 months he decided to skip one night of meetings and stay home and finish some projects around the house he wanted to complete. I was ok with it, it's his recovery not mine. When I went to bed though, I had an awful dream. In the dream the whole family was going out to dinner and he would meet us there. He texted me a few times and said he was on the way. I then got a text that he was there but never came into the resturant. I went outside to see what he was doing and I find in on the pavement rolling around screaming like a baby. He was obviously drunk and nothing I could do would make him get up and have dinner with the family. I spent awhile trying to calm him down but then the police came and told him he had to leave the property. After that I couldn't find him anywhere. Luckily I woke up to the alarm clock but with a icky feeling this morning. That dream just brought me back to when he was an active drinker. He would go to places with me, but was never really there. Slurring words, passing out, getting mad at the world and all they other things he would do while drinking. In all actuality my dream was a reality of the passed..Today I will say the serenity prayer (alot) and continue with my day. I know it was just a dream....but my goodness, I pray this disease will stay away today.
I wouldn't call it full blown PTSD, but what you have been through with him is a legitimate trauma and nightmares and flashbacks are trauma related symptoms. Be gentle with yourself.
Sometimes when I have dreams such as this, it is a reminder for me to not be lulled back into my lala land of Pollyanna. I don't think I will ever be a negative Nancy, but I had to learn to see and feel without the rose colored glasses (I hate cliches, but I am in a hurry to get out the door and it fits) I remember being terrified when my husband missed a meeting, and you know, each time I "felt" he was relapsing in his thoughts, he was, and non attendance was a way for him to hide in his shame. ...and you stated it beautifully, it is his recovery.
I also learned that dreams are my subconscious voice about my feelings on something. They are metaphorical...Pictures of what is going on with my emotions and important to me. I had nightmares most of my life until I stepped up my recovery and got working on my fears. I haven't had a night mare for almost 2 years or so...its great!! Let you dreams paint the picture for you and then change the outcomes of the pictures. ((((hugs))))
i really like how you say " i hope this disease will stay away today" my biggest struggle is that it is day to day. i always want the active part GONE. today, tomorrow, forever. i went to my husbands first meeting with him almost a year ago and i learned "just for today..."
Did you see that I recently posted about a dream I had, too? Very different of course, but I'm sure the responses may be helpful to you! As Paula said, maybe these dreams are reminders to not get too comfortable with recovery. Recovery, for both the A and the Al Anon person are a process and if we let things relax too much, we can find ourselves lost again.
) I remember being terrified when my husband missed a meeting, and you know, each time I "felt" he was relapsing in his thoughts, he was, and non attendance was a way for him to hide in his shame. ...and you stated it beautifully, it is his recovery. 