The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
An update to my saga - tonight we admitted my addict husband into rehab. It went better and worse than I expected at times, but he's there. It was his choice, and so I didn't mind when the ugly addiction started lashing out at me - I knew what it was and was able to calmly explain that it was his decision and for his benefit. He cried, I cried (although I didn't break down until I had driven away)... but I doubt I'll sleep tonight. Rehab is an hour away, and the distance will be good, but we've never been apart for more than a week in our 14 years of marriage. Our daughter is at my bff's house tonight and so I'm not going to stress over whether I sleep or not... I'm going to give myself the freedom to cry and probably play Facebook games all night in the quiet.
Thank you all for your support, encouragement and prayers. This is only the beginning, I'm well aware, but it's a STEP, regardless of the outcome. I have no expectations, only hope (which I had totally lost as of a few days ago). I had to smile when his mom (whom he just told tonight before rehab that he is an addict) said "you're a lot stronger than I gave you credit for!" :) Yup, I AM strong, and I'm strong enough to get through this and anything else that may come. I know that is true for all of us here, as well as all the qualifiers who are struggling - we are strong, if we allow our HP to strengthen us.
Great news, a much needed break for you....I was impressed with you, the AWARENESS you had when the addiction was lashing out at you when your husband was in transition, great progress in your recovery, your husband is in a safe place relax....you deserve it.....In support Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
I've always felt like I was detoxing a few days when my husband admitted himself into treatment.
As we speak, I'm 4 hours away from home attending a family weekend with my husband who's in treatment. His longest run ever. 50 days.
My suggestion to you is to lean on friends in alanon. It was overwhelming to me dealing with friends and family at home when my husband left. Made me worse I think.
I find comfort here at MIP. I was sick of reading self help books and issues about addiction. This time, I read a Christian Fiction Book. It was a great escape.
I've always felt like I was detoxing a few days when my husband admitted himself into treatment.
Thank you SO much for writing this!! I have been a blubbering mess, mixed with paralyzingly fearful, all last night and today and was starting to beat myself up over it. "Why am I crying so much? Am I going nuts? How am I ever going to be strong enough to deal with everything that will come next if I can't deal with one night?!" This EHS has given me so much freedom (even if I did read it in the supermarket parking lot and ended up blubbering all over again! It was a good cry though, lol!)
Today was visitation and I went for a while. Took him some items that we didn't know he'd need (he was admitted very quickly, so we didn't have time to gather much) and we talked for a while, which was really nice. I'm so thankful he's taken the step to get help, but honestly I'm terrified for ME going forward. I'm scared of the truths I'll hear (although I need to hear them and hope he can be honest about), the unleashing of all the anger I've held inside for so long (which again, needs to be done, but this will hopefully be done with a personal counselor/therapist for me, not at/to him in anger)... etc. I know all that is outside of my "one day at a time" but without his addiction screaming in my head it's all I hear.
Sorry for rambling, but again, thank you Sincerely and EVERYBODY who responded and have lifted our family in prayers since I joined MIP.
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