new here - Al-Anon Family Group

regina2013 · Newbie

new here

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Regina

Welcome to Miracles in Progress

Please know that there is hope . Alcoholism is a dreadful disease and because you have been affected by it you need a program of recovery

Al-Anon is for friends and relatives of Alcoholics. If you have been affected by someone elses drinking then Al-Anon is for you!

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

And placing your cursor over about us in the upper left of the screen, 3 more pull downs open. One of these is information for the newcomer, and the second is Al-Anon for you; both have good information.

We have on line meetings here as well so please know you are not alone

f2fmember · Veteran Member

Hi Connie

welcome to the site.... I've found it really helpful to be here, especially at the beginning when it all seemed so hopeless.

I learned that I have choices. It was hard to accept that at the beginning. Every decision I made seemed to have negative consequences.

The tools of Alanon dripped into my being slowly but surely.

I think my first action was to find a daily reader. The pages seemed to be written for me. As you have grown up with alcoholism you might find the Hope for Today book helpful.

One of the first readings in Courage to Change that really spoke to me talked about a man who sat under a tree. The tree was full of pigeons.....that did what pigeons do. The man got angry at the pigeons and shouted at them.

Then he realised that the pigeons weren't making a mess because he was there. They were just doing what pigeons do.

He learned not to sit under the trees....

Its taken me a long time but I've now learned that alcoholics are not nasty because I'm there. They are who they are. I have choices. I've learned to look out for their behaviour and to detach so that I don't get hurt. I no longer sit under trees : )

In Alanon I've learned that I can't change the people around me....I can only change my own attitudes towards them. I can change my own habits and behaviours and protect myself from it.

Have you found any face to face meetings near you that you can get to. I've found it so helpful to meet people who have been through the same as me....and to see their smiling faces, and feel their hugs.....

My local groups are my support network now. I'm no longer alone.... Its a postive and safe place to be.

Keep coming back. There are people here who understand.....

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. There is no situation that can't be bettered though....you've come to the right place

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Along with the others, I just want to welcome you and invite you to keep coming back. You're in the right place. TT

regina2013 · Newbie

thank you, I just found where they were , my only fault is that i'm too shy to discuss such items in a room full of people its due to being closed off for so long. I'm really hoping that something can be done its effecting my health and i'm really tired of the abuse enough that i'm ready to leave him.

i'm definitley going to have to attend the meeting and work through my shyness.

f2fmember · Veteran Member

Oh Connie I know how you feel. It takes a lot of courage to speak in front of people especially about such personal stuff that hurts. Please know that you really don't have to say anything if you don't want to.....listening is as important as sharing x just being there is such a help. You are usually given a phone list of experienced members when you go first so you can speak to an individual in your own time and from the comfort of your own home if you need to
Shyness is very common.....we've all had our self esteem destroyed x

Mon

regina2013 · Newbie

it def destroys your self esteem especially when you care the most about them but get treated worse then everyone else. He was pretty pissed off that I wanted to attend Al-non because he doesn't have the problem everyone else does but the insults have gotten worse since I told him i'm going for my sanity. so i'm not sure its even worth it as he won't get help he thinks he's fine. i don't think its worth feeling like a prisoner in my own home and my first reaction is to leave.

f2fmember · Veteran Member

Of course he has got worse. You are doing something for yourself. He won't like that.
My AH wanted to be at the centre of my brain and to have all the rights there.
It was hard to re-claim my head and my self. It took time, but it did come with it more unacceptable behaviour while he tried to re-claim his place in my head.
We have choices....we can allow them to claim us as their property to do with as they like
or we can detach and learn how to be who we are....

That doesn't mean I don't love my AH....It means I had to learn where I finish and he starts. I had to discover how to love someone .... as well as loving me, and not instead of loving me.

He will be scared you will learn something at Alanon which is show you just how unacceptable his behaviour is.....and start to demand that he behaves in a different way. By blaming you he doesn't have to accept he has a problem.

But we didn't cause it
We can't change it
and we can't cure it....

All we can do is detach from it and learn how to be happy....

In Alanon we don't demand that anyone else changes.....we change ourselves and our own attitudes so that we find ourselves able to live in peace and serenity.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.