The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now for the rest of the story. For the past week our A daughter has been receiving unsolicited letters /post cards from defense attorneys. We knew something was up. Now, we find our A daughter not only got fired three weeks ago, she was arrested and has 6 counts against her - aggravated assault, assault on a police officer, resisting arrest, etc. I dont know the specifics only that this happened at work and I dont care to know any more. I found out by Googling her name and there it was, including her mug shot.She came home very late last night with roses for me. After Grandson went to school, we told her that he may stay here until he is done school June 20, but she is to leave by June 22. She said where is my son going to go to school next year, and I said that is up to you, got up and left. She came down later after crying for a few hours and asked for a hug. She also asked if I loved her and I said more than you can ever know. That is why we are doing this. She went off, saying she wishes she was dead. She has been living with us for the past 10 months.
There is a good chance she will lose custody if her ex gets wind of her arrest. She has no job, no money and she even said her public defender said jail time is a possibility, as this is not her first arrest. I have not idea who posted bond .I cannot let any of these thoughts get to me as I know she needs to get herself clean, and it will never happen if she continues to live with us. Of her AA meetings, she says she is 13 days sober and she does not need a sponsor(No one needs to know her business). She is rather upset with us that we are not celebrating and falling all over her about that fact. Im trying to make a meeting each day this week.
Dear Eileen I am so very sorry to read of these unfortunate, but all to familiar happenings. I am glad you have increased your meetings and pray that HP will guide you and your daughter on this painful road. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
It's so sad to see your child do this to themselves and then want us to bail them out and just take care of them forever. We know they are scared but I'm finding out that it's good thing for them to be scared....really and truly scared. My son is and I leave him with it everyday praying it will be enough for him to make a change for the better. He needs to get the help and when he asks I say...Son the rooms of AA is where the help truly is. Now it's up to him to seek that help. I love him so much but I can't watch him destroy his life as I get older and am gone from this earth someday. So now is the time to stop all this madness no matter what the consequences are for him.
I know this might sound harsh but maybe a little jail time is what your daughter needs. I know you love her but like me you have to let her deal with this alone.
I tell my son I love him and give him encouragement that he can do anything he wants if he truly wants it.
We learn to let go and God take over......that is best tools we have now.
Take care of you because you need it now.....
Prayers for you, your daughter and grandchild
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
((((Eileen))))...good for you standing back while her bottom comes up to smack her on the butt. That was hard for me to standby and watch until my sponsor taugh me that it wasn't any of my business and watching was a waste of time on my own recovery. Great that you stepped up your meetings...hanging with family makes you stronger and you also get the opportunity to help someone else who may have the same crises and need someone to talk to. I was at work as a dispatcher for the CHiPS when one of the highway officers called and asked for identification on a female drunk driver...what are the odds? All I told the officer was that "the subject is known to this dispatcher" so that he could do what was usual and then get the case file done at headquarters. Course HP also had me there when she got clean and sober and she became my metaphor for humility in recov ery. So we can never ever tell...let it happen and act surprised and grateful for her. Yes she is sick, sick, sick,
Hi leenie, I'm going through the same thing right now. My sons life seems to be going down the pan right now too. You seem really healthy with your attitude and approach and I admire your strength. I may be joining you there in healthy land soon. I want to share with you where I am in my situation. I have came to a realisation and although I have kind of known it for some time I really feel it this time. I have been loving my son in the wrong way for too long. He is almost 20 so I am hopeful that this will pass and if I keep doing the right thing then there is a good chance of a better future. He is currently homeless, staying with a friend and his Dad and on occasion me, im afraid to say i went backwards and let him in for a couple of nights. I knew it was wrong but never had the courage to do the right thing. I have now though. I have told him he could no longer come to my house. This seems harsh but I know is 100% the right thing to do for a few reasons,
1. He is still getting himself into terrible states with drink and drugs, as soon as he has money.
2. His behaviour is voatile and unpredictable.
3. He is clearly miserable although clinging along with me to the same old merry go round.
I have admitted to myself, God and other people that I have been taking the easy options with each challenge my hp presents me with. I want him to be warm, fed, comfortable etc and the reasons are my own selfish reasons it is so I can feel comfortable because I want to avoid the pain of facing his consequences. He faces jail soon too. I think this is right where he is supposed to be. I feel he is on the cusp of change. He is being presented with a corner that he is being forced to turn. All his crutches are disappearing from view and he is panicky and depressed full of self pity but he is close to bottom. This is so uncomfortable for him but I must not, absolutely no way step in and steal his pain. I feel this is a life or death point we are at and have been many times but I am sorry to say I have always prevented from happening. Right now I feel that I love him so much that I am stepping aside and I am letting his hp step in and do what is truly needed not my interpretation of what is needed. I have not heard from him today and he spent yesterday constantly asking to come home I said no, very hard but I felt I done the right thing. He may begin this tactic today again but I must for his sake stay strong and say no, I love you, no. Right now for me I am taking this one day, hour at a time. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to. We are not alone.x
Eileen, it truly saddens me to see parents whose children have addictions. I know how much you love your daughter, but I can't imagine to hurt you feel at the same time. Thinking of you and sending you hugs.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
