The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am tired. As I know so many others are. I posted a few days ago, and here I am again anxious and scared. after a calm 3 days, today he went to his mother's house having said he would be back here between 6.30 and 7 pm. I sent him a text saying food would be ready at 7.30 and he phoned to say he'd be back at 7.45. No show, which invariably means he is drinking. I texted him at 9, then spoke to him and he got a friend to talk to me because he was driving (!), and was coming straight home. No show. I phoned at 10 and he was having another drink with his friend and was about to drive home (around 10 miles and now well over the limit). I told him not to come home and that I have had enough - it's over. He phoned me to tell me that he would get an injunction to stop me from getting him to leave (I live in my mother's house, after a horrendous divorce where I had to flee the marital home with my kids).
Needless to say, as ever he told me it is all my fault, I am a liar, a bad mother, a bad person etc etc... I am never drunk, so I can say in all honesty, and taking into account my own scars acquired living on this planet for half a century, so definitely not perfect, that his view of me, the situation, himself is so warped that there isn't any point even entertaining it. And still I am scared, saddened, worried for my children and myself. I feel terrible and terrified about how I am going to deal with an angry man who will not leave the only safe place my children and I have, and I feel bad because this is not my house, so my mother is also unsafe.
Soooo sorry you are going through this, .. I would def keep ANY texts that are threatening in manner, do NOT respond back to him except to say please do not contact me anymore and go directly to a domestic violence shelter and have them guide you through the next right thing to do. Take all of those texts with you and do it as soon as you feel unsafe and he starts threatening. You DO have choices and I'm not telling you what to do this is all strongly suggested. You have a right to feel safe in your own home (regardless who it belongs to, and especially your mother). There are a LOT of resources if you are feeling unsafe and the best thing you can do for you is start taking care of you. If it's good for you, it's good for everyone else and believe it or not it's even good for the A.
Trust me you can get him removed from your home .. it doesn't have to cost you money. So I just want you to know you don't have to be afraid, you have safe places to go.
Also please go to an alanon meetings and they offer counseling through the domestic violence shelters that is free and it's going to help you gain confidence and you can find resources to help you and your family.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Dont know where you live but if he is making threats of violence you may be able to get an emergency protective order and an order for him to vacate the dwelling. I had to do this when my wife started threatening to hurt me as i slept. Just a thought. BTW she has never threatened me with violence again. She knows I wont put up with it.
