The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was hopeful after yesterday's promises. AH said he was committed to recovery, blah blah blah. Today I get home from work, he is gone. There is a note on the table saying he is "planning to stay at his parents". I know him. This is how he can say he didn't lie. He "planned" to stay at his parents, but will more likely spend the night at a bar, in hiscar, who the heck knows. I know I need to let this go, and I promise I will. This is his crazy ride, I am not participating, just venting here, instead of making crazy phone calls to his family, friends, police, hospitals, etc.
So frustrated and angry with this damn disease. Thanks for letting me rant.
Wornout, aint it the truth. Honestly, it's not that much of surprise. I just made myself a nice little dinner, now going to take a hot bath, relax and catch up on reading, knitting, maybe some tv. Saying a prayer of thanks to my HP for keeping me 100x calmer than I have been in past situations like this. His HP is taking him where he needs to go, wherever that may be. I can't control it, I can't cure it, I didn't cause it. Relax, breath, relax....
I can remember nights waiting up for my AW in complete panic mode. I tortured myself with worry. The key word is I. I came to grips with the fact that I was doing it to myself. I do not do that anymore. Why should we torture ourselves over something we have absolutely no control? If she stays gone now I look at it as a gift of peace and time to take care of myself and my children without her interference.
AH didn't come home last night, but I didn't panic, had a moderately relaxing evening without him. The house is so PEACEFUL when is not here. Watched the movie "Hope Springs", hows that for irony?
Anyway, this morning he texted to say he is trying to get back into the inpatient program . A month ago, I would have rushed to the hospital to be by his side. Today, I responded calmly, and thanked him for letting me know. He can figure out the details for himself today. I'm continuing to let go, and hand this over to my HP.
Good for you to have a good time with a peaceful house. I am doing the same. I like basketball but the hubby LOVES the finals....so this is his weekend with the television and I am happy to let him go to our cottage by himself and overdose on the games. He quit drinking 13 years ago but got cancer and beat the cancer 6 years ago. I know he has lots of his pain pills leftover and if he chooses that he needs them.....well, that is on him. Not me. I hope he can enjoy the games and I will enjoy my peace and quiet and flip the channel to the games occasionally to find out who is ahead.
