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((((Sister))))...he will drink inspite of your detachment...he will drink because the disease tells him to. If he doesn't it will be more painful...mind, body, spirit and emotions for him; much more painful than having you detach. Stay the course...Let go and Let God....the fish will still be swimming and waiting for your hook when it is time. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 27th of March 2013 02:40:05 PM
Boy does this bring back memories! My ExAH 's really escalated when I started going to AlAnon and learn to detach. It was almost like a child where the acting out would get worse and worse to get attention...and when I didn't react...it got BAD!!
Hang in there...you are doing the right thing!!
-- Edited by Auntyaya on Wednesday 27th of March 2013 07:12:44 PM
One of my books .. Think it was getting them sober... Talks about living your own life and I kind of have. I've been doin my sons baseball practices. And helping update an older home my daughter just bought. Which I've stayed at twice when my ah pulled drunk nights and I just didn't wanna deal with it. Anyway. He's actually getting worse! He's drinking so much I've had to remove money from our acct to put in another acct before it "disappears" as a cash withdrawl. And the no drinkin at home rule is out the window. He decided the rule is he can drink when doin yard work etc. (it's amazing how his couple beers and being tired and hungry can make him stagger after he works in the yard... Ya right??)
To avoid major fights I just keep doin my own thing and raising our son. He wants to go fishing this weekend since we don't have our son til sat night. I don't plan on going because as much as I like to fish I don't wanna deal with watchin him drink and hide more drinking. I just don't want to tell him until our son goes out of town with his grandma Incase he freaks about it. Which lately I can't tell what his reaction will be - he may be glad he can go say he's fishing and really drink hard. Cuz now I hurt his feelings.
Either way I know he'll be drinking and is rather be working ohour daughters house or anything else vs watching him drink.
I'm not trying to be ugly but it really has started effecting his thinking and slowed his brain down - even when not drinking it's hard to have a conversation with him anymore! Hmmm !!
Wow I got wordy!!! My question is. Am I detaching wrong?? Is his getting worse normal ?? (Like I would recognize normal anymore)
__________________
..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
You're doing great! Good decisions aren't made based on his feelings. It's a progressive disease, so his increase in drinking is part of that. Stay on the sidelines and watch him find his bottom.
I've set a boundary that I will not tolerate drinking in my home. Told A son that he has the right to drink but just not here!! So what does he do -- he locks himself in his bedroom and crawls out the window to go to the liq store, buys a bottle and sneaks back in the house. I assume he's thinking ''''outta site...outta mind"". A 43yo man sneaking out the window like a teenager....give me a friggin brake. Yeah, I don't hear the front door open & close but I do hear the bedroom window open...I'm not stupid!! And then there is his dog, when he starts drinking, she becomes anxious and lays at the foot of my bed & whines...she tells me when he starts drinking...funny how animals react, isn't it?
Anyhoo, A son has been on the wagon for the past month, going to AA and Smart Recovery meetings.....so far, so good but then I'm just internally waiting for the next relapse but then on the other hand, I have to thank my (and his) HP for every day of sobriety. I'll take whatever God sees fit go bestow on me and him...kwim?
After a 3 wk vodka binge, son's vitals (blood pressure & heart rate) were off the charts when we got him into a detox unit and I realized that he had no recollection of what went on when he was on a binge. I educated him on what he did during these binges, like picking him up & bringing him in the house after he fell & passed out in the front yard. He wonders why his arms hurt....well, he has 29 pieces of metal in one hand/arm where he crushed his arm in a dune buggy accident yrs ago ..... welll, when you get drunk & fall down hitting the wall, you're guaranteed to injure something..duh!!!
Remember that we are powerless over another person's decision to drink, not drink, drink more or drink less. It's not a matter of if you're doing something right or wrong because you're not the one in control of his body, his brain, and the neurostructure in his body that sends the signals from his brain to his hand to put that bottle of booze to his lips. He is.
What's right is if you feel good about yourself - do you feel serene with your choices if you take his drinking behaviors out of the equation? Do you feel like you're taking good care of yourself?
Hi, You are doing great with step one.... you have no control and you know it. But you seem to be uncertain as to the future, whether it be the near future or later than that. ------------------------ One of my books .. Think it was getting them sober... Talks about living your own life and I kind of have. I've been doin my sons baseball practices. And helping update an older home my daughter just bought. Which I've stayed at twice when my ah pulled drunk nights and I just didn't wanna deal with it. Anyway. He's actually getting worse! ----------------------------- Yes, he will get worse until he decides to get better. It is good that you are able to take care of yourself but know that this will not get better until he hits his bottom, wherever that may be. Today is as good as it is going to be. That sounds harsh but it is the truth. Keep on taking care of yourself. You have to live your own life and detach from his life. Protect yourself from any harm he can do to you financially, emotionally, physically. Take care of yourself.
It is so frustrating. You are doing well, getting on with your life regardless. Maybe you have detached physically but not mentally. I also struggle to detach. I found alanon readers really
helpful as well as alanon meetings. It's a progressive disease that leaves us sick and in need of our own recovery program. Take care.x
