The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Don't do all the Oreos pleeeeeze. Wait till I get there and work that part of your program with you. NOT!! just kidding....some what. Love those Oreos hmmmm I also love this share because for me it is a "How to" share...the kind that proved to me that if I "do" the program it will work for me also. It also reminded me of the "opposites" lessons my former sponsor would teach me. I complained about alot of "what she did to me"s and I was a walking pain and trauma show until my sponsor asked me "do you really like feeling all of that negative stuff"? "Of course not"!! was my reply (how could he be soooo dull). "Then if you don't like feeling that why not feel the opposite of it and get the opposite emotion/feeling"? -Rocket Science yet again- "So what is the opposite of resentment"? me asked the sponsor person; to which he responded, "the opposite of resentment is forgiveness". I had to gag down the thought of having to forgive her for all of the bad stuff she caused me, even stuff that happened long before I even knew she existed and then chose her for a wife. After I got past all the ego and pride barriers to forgiving her and went for the real deal...guess what?!! The pain and heavy load and constant anger and judging and blaming and finger pointing ...all of it... went away. I can just imagine that my sponsor thought a vacation from we would be good at that point. lol
Of course there is more to this because when I took the responsibility for my happiness and sadness off of her back...I had to carry it myself until I found away to put it down. HP took a big bunch of it and then the program taught me to release all the weight in favor of not suffering another hernia on any level. Oreos do help...after the work is done.
Love the lesson Paris...Mahalo. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 24th of March 2013 05:05:58 PM
Feeling angry and resentful today, tallying up all the hurts and lies and disappointments suffered at the hands of my AH. First I recounted all the hurts of the last 6 weeks, which turned into a review of the last 2 years, since the drinking got so bad, until finally I was remembering hurts and slights fom 25 years ago, when we had been dating a few months.
The anger was filling me up and Making me sick. Thankfully I picked up my copy of One Day at a Time, and read a few pages on anger and resentment. The only one I am hurting with these ugly thoughhts is ME. Better to fill myself with gratitude. So today I am grateful for early spring sunshine, my dog, this board and all you good friends, my sister, and oreos.
That's a great start, Paris! I have to do the same thing. I chaired a meeting earlier this week where I talked about anger and how I was self-righteous at times thinking that I was better than the A in my life. Anger can fuel us to make changes and to make different choices but resentments can hold our hearts hostage. Good for you for recognizing that. For me, it's a daily exercise in letting go and giving those resentments to God. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing that ALL DAY LONG, LOL! Enjoy the rest of your day!
It was only a few Oreos Jerry. Happy to share them with you!
Thanks for the encouragement, I am feeling gratitude now, and working my way to forgiveness. More forgiveness for myself, forgiving me for taking on all of my AHs stuff all these years.
I was talking to one of my fellow Al-Anon members about trying to get over the loss of my AH and trying to work on how to forgive him so that I can deal with my feelings of resentment. She suggested this book: Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses (B-29). I'm planning to order it this week. You might want to check it out as you deal with similar feelings towards your AH. My AH passed away a couple of months ago (we were separated) and I'm working very hard to get to a better place. Sending you lots of support- Green Eyes.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Monday 25th of March 2013 01:14:37 AM
Even when I told myself not to I've looked for my AH's stash. It's so hard to tell if he's still sober and I'm still nursing wounds, or if he's just gotten that good at hiding it from me. I looked tonight - nothing. Told myself I was being crazy and paranoid and it wasn't my problem - he has to make the changes. Yet I still looked because I still have the crazy. You think it would be easy to make yourself happy and get off the crazy train, but it isn't.
Serenity now. One foot in front of the other. Steady steady, and have faith that everything will work out as it should.
