The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sorry if this post is sort of long winded, but it's a definite point I need to share. When I first started Alanon I went because my AH told me it would be a good idea since he was going to AA. I of course agreed and went. I hear the horror stories of growing up with alcoholics and that in no way shape or form was me at all. I grew up with the "normal" family. I have gone through steps 1-3 and began the 4th and was stumped. Inventory of myself? I don't even have a hobby...how am I gonna take inventory of myself...I guess I pushed this step to the side for a while and just continued with steps 1-3 until about 2 weeks ago. I took a good look at my childhood. Dad always worked, Mom went back to work when we were old enough. Any alcohol problems within my family..NO, but my grandfather did own a liquor store??? I did think of my brother however. He was always getting negative attention. Quit high school, ran away for a night, has ADHD, went to family therapist to work things out...To which I told the doctor "I'm the glue that keeps this family together" Did you hear what I told the doctor??? At the age of around 11 I was the one who kept these people normal, I could fix them and no one else. It is all starting to make sense. My inability to order a meal at a restaurant because someone might not like what I order, the constant need to fix broken things to make them perfect for everyone else even though my stuff is tattered. STEP 4. I am finally seeing that I am a people pleaser, gossiper, controller and most of all neglecting myself. It's no wonder I fell for my AH. I knew when I met him what was in my hand..(the town told me) however, he needed me, I needed him..was he my next project??? It does sound harsh..however I feel my Higher Power brought him to me. Without him, we would not be on this journey. I would have never looked inside myself to figure out me and vice versa. The people that are currently in my life that make needless drama...I'm letting them...EVERYTHING has to do with me. Today with my HP I keep the focus on myself, learn more about me and realize I have a hobby now...and it's me. This feels so liberating. My husband is a strong loyal man that has a disease he can only control day by day...and I have issue's that I need to focus on daily...Not gonna give up either, I really got this.
-- Edited by 1976love on Friday 22nd of March 2013 05:35:19 AM
Wonderful, wonderful share. Your story of hope and inspiration is so needed on the forum. I said to my sponsor last night I finally feel like I can provide hope to others, despite all of my cooties. Thanks for the share.
Big HUGE hugs to you, that was a wonderful share. I, too, am working on step 4 and I love it. I am so ready to see me for who I am, the good and the bad. I need to know so that I can admit to myself and to God where I need to change cause if I don't know about it, then how can I fix it? I, too, thought I came from a normal family until I realized my dad was abusive and most likely an alcoholic. I mean, when I was 25 I got a call that my dad had blacked out on his bar stool and fallen over and hit his head at his neighborhood hang out and I was still in denial thinking, "Oh, there he goes again, just having one too many." I didn't want to see the pattern, and then I wondered how I wound up with AH. I know now, as do you. Thanks for sharing!
I've found a lot of interesting things come slowly to light when I delve deeper into my recovery. When I first started Al-Anon, I was perplexed as to why I was drawn to addicts and alcoholics because I thought I grew up in a "normal" family, myself. I didn't witness crazy drunk behavior, after all.
Further insight led me to know that my mother drank up until I was about 2 years old, and from that point forward, I was living with an alcoholic who attended AA sporadically, as well as Al-Anon and then switched addictions over to food and has been in and out of OA for as long as I can remember. I have my suspicions my father's an alcoholic, too, although he's never admitted to having a drinking problem. But he does like his beer and can get to drinking it quite a bit at times, to my understanding.
That would be a good indication as to why alcoholic behavior was then comfortable for me and something I unconsciously sought in my relationships, even though my parents never did the crazy stuff like stumbling around the house drunk, screaming at each other, etc.
Do you have a sponsor? From your post you initially sounded a bit confused about how to work your 4th step. A sponsor can be a guiding tool to help you work the steps.
I grew up in a normal family...absolutely and totally fractured with loud screeching and scream sounds and much physical "hands on" management and with a movie made of it to describe how it was done...Mommy Dearest. Fix em...Nah...just try to keep them from nervous breakdowns and suicides and such. I'm in Al-Anon and AA and I am a MIP brother and friend...like Tom reminded me "This is my family". Soooo true. ((((hugs))))
ok Jerry F, this is freaking me out. My mother would NEVER let us say "Mommy Dearest" because she didn't want us to associate her with that monster from the movie. Which I am taking now as her implying, keep it perfect, we don't want others to think we're crazy...Oh what a day. Thank you all for your words...it means alot to know you can all relate!
