The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, as the divorce is progressing and people are starting to find out about what has happened between my STBXAH and me, I have been receiving information on happenings that have occurred, unknowingly to me, over the last several years.
The most interesting thing I've heard so far is that both my mom and a neighbor said that my MIL didn't want us to get married. Of course, my mom and the neighbor asked why.
"Because I know my son, and he is going to destroy her," my MIL said to the neighbor. "Because he is going to ruin her life," she said to my mom. TO MY MOM!
Wow. Now I know why my MIL chose not to come to our wedding. But she certainly does know her son, what with the familiarity of family and the familiarity of being fellow alcoholics.
When I first heard those comments, I was godsmacked. But now I am just plain fired up.
Sure, this 10 years of living with an alcoholic husband, MIL, StepFIL knocked the wind out of me. But I'll be dipped in 'xxxx' if they think I'm not good enough and strong enough to come out of this insanity and into the light better, happier and more connected to myself than ever. I may be down, but DO NOT rule me out. DO NOT put your fears, faults and weaknesses on me. You don't know what I have been through in my life. I am much stronger than you think I am.
I am learning from my fourth step work that my HP has put me where I need to be because for years I have been choosing "reclamation projects" as potential life partners.
HP tried to speak to me in a whisper, then a shout, then a thunk on the shoulder, then by throwing lightning bolts at my head. "Uncle!" I say to my HP. "I get it! No more lightning bolts!"
During the initial conversations about divorce, I tried to reason with my husband because I was mad that I did all the "work" with him, and now he's run off with his mistress to "live happily ever after." I wanted to see and live the "happy ending."
But I can't confirm there would ever be a happy ending for us, and too much has happened. I don't know if any amends will ever make up for what he did. I deserve my own happy ending - with or without him.
As I've mentioned before, I know I've got some super-duper good mojo coming my way if I can just take care of myself, stay out of everyone else's business, and focus on me.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 20th of March 2013 01:13:19 AM
I'm in support. You've been doing some good work for yourself...Keep on keeping on Blondie especially the vertical alignment relationship you have with your HP. When you get that relationship stronger than any other one you have there will be no more lightening bolts to the Central Nervous System (lol) and you will be able to hear clearly almost every whisper your HP uses to get your attention. You see HP knows that you listen more intently when HP whispers instead of shouts. "When Blondie listens...God speaks"!! Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
I like your spirit!