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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> lost and dont know where to turn
Post Info TOPIC: lost and dont know where to turn
John


~*Service Worker*~

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lost and dont know where to turn
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Hi Chinup!

First, let me say that I am sorry that any child should experience what you have been through.  I am sorry that this has happened to you.  

You are taking the very first step towards your healing and recovery process right here.  Abuse, and especially childhood sexual abuse is based in secrecy.  Often enforced by the perp with terrible threats if revealed, and often kept by the victims out of shame and/or guilt.  This is a type of shame and guilt that no child should ever have to experience or carry.  It was misdirected.  The wrong party (you) experienced it.  It wasn't yours. You were a child.  It was the preps rightful shame and guilt, adopted by a childs fragile spirit and mind!  Recovery allows you to release it and place it where it truly belongs, with the prep(s), not a child.

As long as it stayed a secret, it could and most likely did adversely effect your life as an adult, in ways that you nor any one else would be able to put a connection to.  Today, you are no longer keeping the secret.  It no longer sits in that deep place within.  It will not be able to dicate your life or quality of it from the background any longer.  You are bringing it to light.   You are saying what happened and when.  Just acknowledging it as a part of your childhood history is the first step towards liberation from the truama that such an experience can create in the life of a child, Learning how to disenage from any sense of liability or responsibility for it is where the work ahead will take you.

There are several treatment modalities that help overcome the shackles of traumatizing childhood abuse.  When I say shackles, I am referring to the mental, emotional and spiritual bondage that such a experience have on the life of a untreated survivor.  I, myself suffered severe, brutal childhood abuse.  I will refrain from going into any details at this time, other than to say that while it was not sexual, it was very traumatizing and adversely effected the quality of my life in many ways as an adult.  Until I started to do the work to recover from it, which I am still involved in.

I am sorry that the Child Abuse Survivors part of this site is not active at this time.  Maybe one day I will find it in me to re-ignite it.  It just takes a lot of energy and more dedication than I can give it right now.  However, I do know of a active site that I think would be a very good place for you to go to and do some reading.  It's the Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse site at http://www.ascasupport.org/phpBB2/index.php.  It has a great amount of information regarding the healing process, and is closely monitored by both survivors and professionals.  It outlines a 21 step process and has a lot of discussion about its stages of progress.

I also did and do a lot of my work in ACA (Adult Children Anonymous).  It allowed me to learn how to reparent that wounded child within, so its fear of authority, its inability to trust, its self sabotaging, destructive behaviors and attitudes, distorted version of love, and deep seated anger/rage could be worked on.  That part of this site is still active, so you might want to go read about ACA methods, charactistics, traits and see if you can relate to them.

There is an Al-Anon conference approved literature book called "From Survival to Recovery".  It addresses childhood abuse issues as well.  I would suggest you get and read it.

Chinup, you are on a path that will take you on a journey.  It's not an easy path, but you can get through it.  One day at a time.

John

 



__________________

" And what did we gain?  A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."

(Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions,Step 3. pg 21)

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chinup


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what and where do or does one go to or do when you just come to reality of that youve been a victim of child moletation-age 5 several times,child molestation one time age 8 and drugged and raped by a gang age 14.and its now been 40 yrs since this has all happened but just now realizeing it,and done been to the child abuse website page here and its pretty much dead as to anything happening there.i need to know what its done to me as i am the victim of this and it keeps from time to time comeing back to my mind .any answers or esh would be so welcome here for i havent a clue to where to begin,and cant help but keep thinking of how its effected me in my life through out the years and today,im so new to this .thanks for listening agin...hugs chinup,,,,,ive talked to a counselor about it but nothing to help me there except that yes it does and prolly has effected me .



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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((((chinup)))

Keep talking to your counselor and come here and share.

  It is important to stay connected.

In my thoughts



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
chinup


Veteran Member

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Thank You both so much for yur support,i was all so frightened to speak up on this,i guess ive kept them suppressed in the back of my mind or hidden somewhere to where i wouldnt ever have to deal with them agin,but its there and by not dealing with it now how will i ever know how or where its effected me.i sure do ty jhon for the website you gave me im going to check it out,and im going down to my local library to check into books on this also,i kept what happened to me very short for i didnt want or need to go into details on it ,which i wished i knew someone that would allow me to tell them all about it that could give me some counseling on this,but i dont know of anyone as of yet ,hopefully my h.p will guide me to the right person that i can trust .ty both agin,,hugs chinup

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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Do whatever you can, at your pace, to get the feelings, memories, etc out of your precious self.  Journaling might help, too, in addition to the other suggestions. When the light shines on these experiences, the darkness begins to subside.  I am so sorry for the scared little person that doesn't feel safe.  Keep communicating with us and perhaps you won't feel so alone.  hugs and more hugs...one continuous hug



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Paula
ilovedogs


~*Service Worker*~

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I, too, was molested when I was 7 and then raped when I was 19. The molestation remained in my subconscious memory until the rape occurred and all heck broke loose in my mind and I felt my life crumbling because I didn't know where to turn. Unfortunately, I was still young so I turned to drinking and partying and hooking up with random men to release me from my shame. You are doing the right thing, it will take time to work through the memories and the feelings that are brought up. Honestly, what helped the most for me was working on forgiveness. It gave me healing and it released the perpetrators (even though I didn't even remember their names....I still don't). Big hugs to you, I know that lost feeling and I've been there but I've found peace by working through forgiveness.

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