The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I think AH's disease is progressing. He is away for business and called me twice this week drunk. This AM he texted me and told me he was sorry that he didn't call me back and that he had gone to be early. Umm, here we go again. He DID call me back, but he hung up after 2 rings and the proceeded to text me to tell me that he was gabbing with a guy in the hallway of the hotel. Seriously, this was the same excuse he gave me when he blacked out in Vegas back in October.
Anyway, I am focusing today on keeping my peace. I have been reciting the serenity prayer over and over again today. It's going to take all my strength to NOT blow up at him and scream. I am so tired of the same old story and of being blamed for being unforgiving or for being told that I must not be working a good program or I'd cut him some slack.
Honestly, I just need a place to vent. I've turned the situation over to my HP. I did text him back today and said, "oh are you sorry that called and hung up on me? Who was the guy you met in the hallway, too? No worries, have a safe flight." And, now I leave it to God. I went to pastoral counseling at church today and he said that God will show me a way by showing me AH's actions and then providing me a path to follow because of the fallout of those actions. He said that as long as I am peace, I am doing the right thing whether it means I stay or I separate from him. Peace is what it's all about. And, that is where I am. Thanks for reading!
Huge hug tio you. Youve been a kind voice to me this week. I gave no great words of comfort except to say "ditto"...but I find it so maddening to find peace, let go to God and breathe...guess thats why we come here. I know we arent alone but man, its a tough road regardless. Hugs
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
I really like what the pastoral counselor told you. I have to remember that quote "as long as I am peace, I am doing the right thing whether it means I stay or I separate from him. Peace is what it's all about." Sometimes the best ESH comes from places I wouldn't expect. I'm sorry he's spiralling :(
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
hugs