The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in an online group and there is a lady there who always wants to tell me "the right answer". It is like she sees me as a little child who needs her motherly advice. It instantly puts me feeling as if I am a child again. My mom always needed me to "need her" so that she could feel better about herself. I wonder if the energy I put out as an adult is "poor helpless girl" or something. I want to be women to women with ladies - NOT young lady with women...does that make sense? This lady always acts like she has the answers and she NEVER acts like she doesn't know something. I tend to be pretty open and real about life. Maybe I am being too open? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
It's like your talking about me. I have such a controlling nature and I know this now.... I know it all. I want to help, give advice and always interject myself into everyone's lives I come in contact with. A lot of codependents will do this I think. In Al-anon I am learning to listen without comments back that I know it all and have the best advice. It's one of my 4th step defects/inventory.
Anyways....your not being to open because your asking ESH not advice. She might need a little 4th step intervention. See I have the answers again.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
What a great opportunity to look within...if you feel like a child, most likely this woman is triggering something in you that is ready to be explored. Enjoy the process
Listening with an open mind doesn't give any of your power away. I use to be that way some expecially with my Alcoholic/Addict. If she followed my input and things came out good for her I felt like a million bucks and then I found out I was using my alcoholic/addict like some kind of drug getting me high. When I learned about enabling and detachment that all changed. In the program I learned to listen with an open mind and to think and consider if what was given to me had values that I could use. Sometimes I reported back to the givers especially if it worked. I also did report back if it didn't and that was practicing communications with other along with respect for what they might or might not know. As you get better in recovery the knee jerk responses from others often slows down and stops and then they start trusting your experiences. Funny how growth works. Think about the consequences of playing poor me before you play that card...You might not want those consequences. ((((hugs))))
I'm having to learn to back off with my A daughter and not give advice, I thought I was being helpful but she thinks I'm a micro-manager. She now knows if you don't want me in your business then don't make me a part of it. I sit on my hands a lot lately...
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Nothing is more fatiguing than the eternal hanging-on of an unfinished task.
