The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello, I am an introvert and an HSP (Highly sensitive person). About 15% of the population are HSP's. I really enjoy going to my meetings and I do contribute in my own way. I am not an "out there" "loud" person. I speak more quietly and people have told me they think I am shy. I am not shy - I am just introverted - nothing wrong with that. I sometimes get the impression others in the group think I need to be more involved in service work and taking on a big position. I much prefer doing behind the scenes service work. I know I need to be true to myself and do what feels right but sometimes I just even feel so exposed in meetings. I do much better with one on one settings and that helps me from absorbing other peoples energies of what ever they are going through.
This sort of thing even plays out when my husband and I go to an event and everyone seems to gravitate toward him and his good nature with people. I tend to lean on him to lead the way. I have tried to force myself to put myself out there more but I feel awkward and like I am being fake. I feel torn sometimes because I want to be out there but realistically I want to feel comfortable. I often feel ignored by other women especially. I wonder if I am just not as approachable or something. There are other ladies in alanon who I think are introverts but they seem to be really good with conversation. I think I still have some trust issues and such. I also feel that some of them are extremely sick still and that I should be careful who I tell things to ect...I really don't think that that is being rude...it is true.
Hi. Yes, I can relate. I have been in a class recently where they taught the introvert/extrovert personality traits. I think it is extremely valuable in finding out what makes you tick & how you relate to others. I am an introvert myself, and I can so identify with leaning on others for social interaction. I do not generally reach out to others for interaction but more let them come to me. I have also found out that as an introvert, when someone asks me a question, I am not able to just blurt out an answer. Instead, I take the time to weigh & formulate the answer in my head before I am able to verbalize it. Some people misunderstand the hesitation, or get impatient waiting for a response. It helps to explain..."I heard your question, but I need to gather my thoughts before I can verbalize it."
My granddaughter is an introvert. And one of the things that is really neat about her is that she listens to herself better than most people do. Is quite self-contained. She isn't at the effect of what other people think. She is also an HSP and needs to guard herself from other people's strong emotions, etc.
I am pretty much an HSP, too, but lie at about the middle of the spectrum in extraversion/introversion. Sometimes I think I am shy but overcompensate. I think more self-conscious than actually shy, because I was quite outgoing as a small child. Some of it now may just be codependency--speaking to the other person so he won't feel awkward or God knows what I am trying to save the other person from. Gargh!
There was a girl in our high school class that I wasn't close with then, but have come to know and she is introverted. I envy the way she is true to herself. There was a funny story back then.. She worked in the office--as did a lot of us. The principal was so rattled by her, he decided to let her go. He told someone he couldn't tell if she liked him, hated him, what. He was a very self-confident seeming personality and I thought it was pretty cute that this quiet and extremely intelligent girl pushed his insecurity buttons. Which of course says a lot more about him than about the girl. Her face in repose is more or less expressionless, whereas I'm usually smiling.
I don't know but am guessing that an introvert would find it easier to focus on herself and her healing and to do the inner work of Alanon without being distracted by others so much.
Interesting post. Thanks for putting it out there.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
The introvert topic is discussed a lot at my house because so many people view it as a negative trait, but it isn't, it is just a trait. There is nothing wrong with it, but our society thinks there is, not sure why though.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I used to think I was an introvert, and I think that's because of how I was brought up. My parents didn't like company or being around large groups of people and therefore I was never exposed to lots of social occasions while growing up. I think this in part gave me a lot of social anxiety when I started growing up and being invited to things with large groups of friends and such. I didn't know how to socialize with people so I withdrew because it felt safer not to say anything rather than risk saying something that would offend someone or end up subjecting myself to ridicule.
I had kids in school tell me they thought I was "stuck up" because I didn't talk much. It's interesting how quiet disturbs some people. They thought that I thought that I was better than them simply because I kept quiet most of the time.
In any case, as I've grown and matured emotionally and spiritually in Al-Anon, I'm learning I'm not quite the introvert I thought I was. I really really enjoy the company of a lot of good friends. I don't have to be surrounded by people all the time, but I'm also seeing that I can start to drive myself batty if I stay at home alone on the weekends too much. I realy do need social interaction. I've even given talks in front of groups of 100+ people and felt happy doing so instead of terrified like I would have when I was a child.
I mentioned this in an earlier post somewhere about isolating, and for me, part of my disease was a lot of isolating. Hey - if I'm in my own company I absolutly know without a doubt that I'm not going to offend someone or somehow have a rotten time. Part of my growth exercise in my journey with Al-Anon has been to "do things differently" - that means accepting invitations to gatherings with friends, getting to face-to-face meetings, accepting service roles, etc.
I lived my entire life previously before Al-Anon avoiding social occasions, events, jobs, etc. as much as possible. When I got into the rooms of Al-Anon part of my spiritual growth occured when I decided to take that small risk and share my feelings in a meeting.. and then accept a service position with the group, and then volunteer at upcoming conventions, accept a request to speak at an assmbly. Each step gradually brought me out of my shell until one day I took a look and said "Hey! Wow. I actually LIKE being around lots of people and laughing and socializing. I don't think I'm as introverted as I once thought."
When I reflect to how I felt as a child, I knew that deep down, I personally always wished my parents would invite people over, or let me and my brother have big birthday parties or sleepovers at our house. I really wanted that but never got it. As an adult I get it now because I can make that choice for myself.
So, that's been my personal expeience with introversion.
I can tell you I felt exactly like you when I was conviced I was just a quiet, introverted person.
I recognize that's not really me.
I'm not a wild and crazy outgoing extrovert, either.
I think I've just found a good balance in between for me.
In any case, you just move and grow as you feel comfortable. That's the beauty of the Al-Anon program. And remember... what other people think of you is none of your business. Don't concern yourself with thoughts that others think you should talk or do more. That's their opinion. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
BUT, I will say, that I've learned that when someone says something to me that makes me squirm a bit inside, it's a good chance that it's something worth looking at... safely... with my sponsor and my HP.
