The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If the active A came after your entry into the process of recovery from co-dependency and you are now " all up in his stuff" as the saying goes, then you may want to consider upping your program work; but I may be reading between the lines a bit?
If you grow up with an active A as a family member - then yes - probably codependent traits will emerge out of so many desperate attempts to help and change that person. This may also happen after years in a relationship with an A. If you are just codependent without that history with an A - you will probably go around trying to change and impose your will on others and will be far more likely to run into A's because they are ones who appear like they "need helping" and they are also likely to latch onto you because they consciously or subconsiously look for enablers.
But, like Jerry said - it depends on how you are handling your codependency. For example - both Jerry and I are also Alcoholics but I'm betting we act different than what you'd consider a "standard drunk." That is due to working our respective programs just like you might be working your CoDA program and getting different results.
I didn't grow up with any active A's in my family but from a very young ago I was trying to take care of my families problems. I had to try and fix everything my whole life. But with Al-anon I'm fixing me. After so many many years of being a codependent and enabler it's going to take many more years to overcome this trait.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Pinkchip, thank you for your post. As Cathy, I did not grow up with substance abuse but I so learned how to be a co-dependent; I was like flypaper for addicts and other vampire type relationships...no wonder I was so exhausted. The exhaustion almost disabled me. Thank God for al anon..it really did save my life, and, I live in daily gratitude. This forum offers so much hope for me and so many due to the courage and transparency offered so lovingly. Thanks to all.
My Active A started drinking 2 years ago. I started going to CoDA meetings last year but stopped because of school. I found the support there very very helpful. I'm hoping to go back ASAP. Thanks to everyone who put in their insight. It was helpful in seeing the connection between CoDA and Al-Anon.
