The material presented
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Im off today from one of my jobs im only working tonight so I texted my AH if he was coming home for lunch. Im tired today I think it was from all the walking at the fair. As we texted I said I had spoken to sponsor and I stated that I need not react to his behavior, that I need to ask HP for guidance, his issues of fear & trust are his own, and that fact that he cheated was wrong. I also told him that I am dealing with things one hour at a time. He texted me back saying to ask my sponcer if it is necessary for him to hear all my BS because he didnt think it was. I just texted back that I wasnt going to fight and for him to drive carefully. Did I do something wrong?
My first reaction to your story is 'ouch'. My second reaction is recognition - how many times have I thought 'what did I do???' Thank you so much for your post because my answer to your question (and therefore my own) is NO, you did nothing wrong. In fact as I started reading your post I thought to myself 'how lovely, they are able to share their recovery paths with each other, I wonder if my husband and I will ever be able to do that.' Then I got to the last line and, as I've already said 'ouch'. Some lessons hurt almost as much as picking up hot coals. Drop it and go well texasgal.
Thank u for ur words. My relationship with my AH is not good right now because of the cheating. I wish it were better but its not at this time. Lately his behavior has been so erratic its hard dealing with him. Im letting his behavior effect me and I need to detach from it. I thought I had done ok cuz I only stated the facts. But then I second guessed myself when he told me what he did. If I dont talk to someone else I begin to think what he says is true.
I always thought I needed to share everything with my STBAX and what I'm learning is .. no I don't. Sometimes there are some things he just doesn't need or want to hear. Why stir the pot if it's not boiling? So did you do anything wrong? Outside of expecting bread from the hareware store, .. no. Now you know it's probably better not to share what your sponsor says to you and just show through your actions that things are changing.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks for ur words I know now that I didn't have to tell him everything unless its a major issue that needs to be dealt with and to handle it with courtesy. Im not going to engage in his erratic behavior. He just uses the fights we have to justify his actions of cheating. Im just taking today hour by hour.
You did nothing wrong. Good for you that you have a sponsor that will listen and validate you. You won't get any validation from a person who is not working their recovery program. Go about your business of getting well and enjoy your fabulous life. Attend face to face meetings and you will be surrounded by angels
(((Texasgal))) great post and responses. I get to learn all over again that women come from the heart and guys come from their head and now I gotta watch how I come from. I relate to your post and for me it was having expectations that my alcoholic/addict would verify me and say nice boy you're working a good program and then I had to learn about what denial looks like, sounds like and feels like. She didn't know anything about recovery and would be spiteful just like your alcoholic is with you. Sending you back to your sponsor to verify him. WOWZERs isn't that a trophy response!!? I read all the responses the gals gave you and that's what I was taugh to do; Go to my sponsor and program for my recovery and growth and a bakery for a loaf of bread. (((hugs)))
