The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Have you ever come to a place where the Blinders Come off and you realize that all you will Ever be to some people is Used while they play the Martyr of Every Situation... Woo Is Me! My Poor Life! My Poor Past! My Poor everything!
I have been sitting in this for a while now, and I have been Examining my relationships and what they do for me and what I do for them and so on and so forth!
Well was I Shocked to see that the ONLY time I hear from a select few is when they "Need" something, other then that I am Dead to them! Unless they can put on a Fake Smile to Impress someone else in my presense and "Pretend" that I'm apart of their Life! It truly sickens me that to them thats all i am... But even worse yet! Is that it took me This Long to see it!
Without Al-Anon, I would have most likely took this "All Personal!" (Some I Still Struggle with,but not all) but I know that God has a Plan for us all! I have had to over the years set boundry's to protect myself, and believe me when I say they know how to throw out the "Hurtful" words the Second they don't get their way! The Second I decide that it is just something I can't do, well then I am cut off, ignored, or left at the sidelines till they find a "Use" for me again!
I do the things I do for people for several reasons! Some Family, Some Friends, Some Strangers, and Some just because its the right thing to do... But if I did all that they "expected" of me I would be Living "their" life NOT Mine! Because what happens in my life has never been a concern to them! If its not about them then they are not interested!
I don't call people anymore to Vent & B$tch... I Use to! that is what I "USED" people for, to RELEASE! Didn't expect them to Fix it! Just Listen while I Get it out of my head! NOW.. I Use these Boards, my Sponsers, and my "True" friends that make an effort to be in my life, as I do theirs, and yet don't expect anything more from me then my Friendship & Love! That "Venting" was My Selfish way of Using the Relationship to my advantage, because i knew I never meant anything more to them then what my next task for them was!
I'm Very Grateful that In my Upbringing with ALL the Addicts/Alcoholics in my Life (Including Me) that I had to Struggle for all that I had. Because it Taught me how to take care of Myself! Because I have been down the hard road of life many times, and each time I Drug MYSELF out of the Trenches & it made me a Better Person! And Taught me how to Not only Survive, But Come out the Other side feeling accomplished, I don't sit around and Complain about how bad I have it anymore, or try to push my issues off on someone else for them to "Fix it" or "Make it Better!" I am in this Life.. The One I'm Living because I "Choose" to be here, it is just sad that Some People can't see Me for who I am...Not what I Can do For them!
A Friend of Mine approached me last night about feeling this very same way! That all they were was "useful" to others, Yet their Struggles were not even accounted for and sadly... This persons Struggles are Far more serious then the one that is doing the using! I felt in my Heart... I Knew Exactly what they were going thru.... Cause I have been there, and still fighting it today! It was Funny Because I have been Working on this, and the One thing I Told them was: "People treat us the Way WE ALLOW them to regardless of our Cause!" and I believe God Himself Come down & Slapped me Right there!
Because thats it in a nut shell... I have allowed this to go on in my life, and my relationships because I have always been trying to "Please" others, always trying to be "Accepted" from others, always trying to do "whats Right!" even when All else is going wrong in my life! I think at times I Used it as a "Deversion" to Forget My own Problems if I am Filling in on theirs...
I have a Great Al-Anon Support system HERE & With my F2F meetings, and it truly has allowed me to Make "Real" relationships with people that want to be apart of my life, and My Journey, and they have truly shown me there is HOPE for balanced Relationships... I can Honestly say I NEVER had that Before Al-Anon and never knew how much Pain/Damage those Relationships brought to my self esteem! I Am So Grateful for My Recovery, Along with All of Yours!
It truly does work if you work it! And it has provin to me Time & Time again, that "I AM" Worth it! As are all of you! Thanks for letting me Share....
and I believe God Himself Come down & Slapped me Right there!
Because that's it in a nut shell... I have allowed this to go on in my life, and my relationships because I have always been trying to "Please" others, always trying to be "Accepted" from others, always trying to do "what's Right!" even when All else is going wrong in my life! I think at times I Used it as a "Diversion" to Forget My own Problems if I am Filling in on theirs...
Dear Jozie
Your HP is always at work and I believe this powerful awareness is another example of the inner guidance which is HP's still small voice within.
I found that my motives for helping others were to divert myself from my issues and my life. I took care of others and expected them to reciprocate and take care of me They did not. Our alanon tools have the answer, and your growth is spectacular
