Some of the experience passed on to me was to go to your face to face meetings and listen for people who's shares you particularly like. Also look for this in people who have at some good time in program and who have worked all of the steps.

From what I hear, you work your steps w/ your sponser as well as call them alot of times to sort out problems you having, gaining some veteran alanon perspective. Also sometimes when you feel like your going to blurt out or do something stupid is a good time to pick up the phone and call your sponser.

As for the "oh, they dont want to bother w/me so Im not going to start", you made me LOL. 'Cause that is me ! I had a number to call for someone that would talk to me until I got a sponser and had my finger on the send button and found an excuse not to call. It took me over a month to get up the courage to ask someone to be my sponser.

I'm still in limbo. He said that his sponser told him he wasn't ready. I don't particularly agree and I also think that teaching and mentoring is one of the best ways to learn and enforce something yourself, but that's my opinion and this is his business. This was a week ago and I haven't heard back from him so I think it might be back to the drawing board for me.

Going back to your 'courage to ask', have you considered looking at codependency? I'm finding that alot of my issues were starting to sound Codependent, my therapist agreed and suggest I read the book "Codependent No More". It's a great read so far. (This is not conference approved literature BTW, but the author is a strong believer in 12 steps and you'll see the influence in it. She is an AA and Alanon member)

Bob

This is interesting Megan. I think that an online sponser would really work for me. If I had a choice I'd love a sponser that I could meet and have coffee with but also do the work online with.

Sometimes I'm not comfortable talking on the phone when I'm at home in front of my kids or my A so email and IM would be great.

Bob

Online has worked for me.....  As a man, in a small town, the options for a male sponsor are pretty limited.  I was fortunate enough to find a really awesome sponsor, and 80-year old guy with tons of wisdom and wit, from one of the Al-Anon boards I participate in...  He has been invaluable to me, and a huge part of my recovery program.  When he first agreed to sponsor me, it was deemed "temporary", and that I would continue to look for a f2f sponsor.... Well, our relationship has been going on now for about four years, and I don't see any possibility of any f2f sponsors for me anytime soon!

I think the key role of a sponsor, is that they can give us another set of eyes, typically not with the emotional ties we bring, onto a couple of key things:  my sponsor aims to get me to take accountability, by reminding me:  a) what is my part?  b) what am I willing to commit to in order to make positive change?  Ideally, a sponsor should be somebody who has worked the entire 12 Steps, and can guide you through (and back onto) your program of recovery.  My personal opinion is that there are also some situations, where people "deep in knowledge" can assist in a "sponsor-type" of role, even if they haven't formally completed the 12 Steps.

But one word of caution, I suppose, is that online can also allow us a fair amount of anonymity, and potentially lack of accountability.... If you had a f2f sponsor, whom you met with on a regular basis, you'd have a lot more difficulty avoiding stuff.... 

To get one, either online, or f2f, the process is pretty similar.  Try to pay attention to those people whom you relate to, whom you admire their posts or shares, and approach them.  Most people, if they are capable of doing so, will help where they can.

Hope that helps

Tom