My denial - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

My denial

AngelicH57 · Senior Member

Yesterday we had high hopes today not so much. My emotions are all the place today I'm mad, sad, happy, worried but nothing seems to change.
I just read this and thought I'd share it might help:

You may think you have challenges, but you have so many blessings. Sometimes it takes only a moment of conscious effort to recognize those blessings. Once you focus on the gifts instead of the problems, your whole perspective will change and you will see blessings everywhere.

oldergal · Senior Member

Dear Cathy,

This is what helped me when I was in the state you are in.

I looked up the term ruminating because thats what I found myself doing.

Rumination is defined as the compulsively focused attention on the symptoms of one's distress, and on its possible causes and consequences, as opposed to its solutions.[1] Rumination is similar to worry except rumination focuses on bad feelings and experiences from the past, whereas worry is concerned with potential bad events in the future.[1] Both rumination and worry are associated with anxiety and other negative emotional states.[1]

Then I looked up Codependency, because that is what I was doing I was being codependent. Which means to me, that I was putting my self in my son's shoes and feeling emotionally and almost physically like his problems were MY problems I worried about him all day as if his experience was happening to me. I had to STOP that thinking it was making me insane. I could not and can not control his experience he is a separate person from me.

Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.[2] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.

When I really believed this is what was happening to me and did not deny it anymore, things started changing. But I couldnt deny that I was thinking in this distorted way.

This is what helped me, I hope it may help you even a little. And last but not least I had to be around people and that took effort, but it helped too.

In support Oldergal

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Oldergal

You know I get eye openers everyday and this one is no exception. I have to except the things I can not change and keep reminding myself daily.

I'm so much better than I was 4 months ago and I'm grateful for that. I'm so much more at peace now.....just some cracks here and there.

Thank you so much for your experience, strength and hope...

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, he might and he might not. his choice, his life, his mistake to make. let go and let go friend it is all we can do. we are powerless.x

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes we are my friend...thank you for the reminder. We need them everyday.

(((( el-cee ))))

Raven Juniper · Senior Member

((((Cathy)))) my heart goes out to you. This is yet one more disease that destroys not only one person but their loved ones right along with them. And alcohol is promoted as so much fun on movies, tv, music...everywhere. People still buy into the lies and the images poured down our throats by the media. And that makes me so angry and sad.

What I love about MIP is that the good advice that is given here is helping so many. I too feel that despair all the time. el-cee said it so simply: "his choice, his life, his mistake to make." That one sentence spoke volumes to me tonight. I realize that the frustration and sorrow I feel about my A is the fact that I can't control his drinking or actions, and that if he decides to continue down that path, there's nothing I can do about it. I didn't mean to insert my drama into your situation Cathy, I just wanted to let you know that I am another one out here who understands. Wish I could give you a real hug, but here I am giving you 2 virtual hugs for good measure;)
((((HUUUGGS CATHY!!))))

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