The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
With every lie, the last one was about something so small, but with each one no matter how big or small, I just move further and further away emotionally. And my A seems to be in her own world of denial. She blames me for being distant, and doesn't see her behavior as anything problematic. I guess the worst part is that I know I should leave, but I can't bare the thought. I love our home and we have 4 animals. I will be able to take one and have to leave the other three. And as dysfuntional as she is, with her I know no matter what happens, I will have a roof over my head. I'm staying for all the wrong reasons. And because we have had such a rough 2 wks, she drank and drove recently, I must match her dysfuntion in my own ways. Lately I cannot detach with love, but I am detached. It's with disgust, disappointment, and despair. Lyne
Hi Lyne, I tried to detach with love and my ABF did not like it! He called me selfish and a "me me me" person. he tried to lower my self esteem. The stronger I was the worse he got. He finally took it too far on a drunk binge just last Saturday and I called it quits. We have not lived together for 6 months due to the drinking. I thought that would open his eyes, well, no! The addiction is a massive beast physically and mentally that we are powerless over. I feel the disgust because he wants the booze more than me, the disappointment in his choices but the despair is all his. I did not cause it, I can not cure it and I can not control it, but I can make choices about how i let it effect me.
So sorry for the pain you are going through, Lyne. It is a horrible way to live when we allow the A in our life to control our emotions. I lived in a similar situation for over twenty years. You said it well when you said that with each lie, big or small you move further away emotionally. I chose to end my marriage because I couldn't find a healthy way to detach and in the end the lies and deceit ended up affecting my health. I hope you are able, with Alanon, to find the balance you need in your life. Maybe if I had found Alanon sooner I would have saved my health and my marriage. I know that the program works. My best to you.
Aloha Lyne...the suggestion of Al-Anon is primary...especially if you can find male members like ourselves that we can spread our lives out in front of and ask for feedback and direction. That saved my mind and also my life. Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
