The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am glad that you found us and had the courage to post. Alcoholism is a dreadful disease over which we are powerless. Because we are powerless all our efforts to fix the problem are unsuccessful. It is not our problem to fix. Living with this disease we become angry, resentful self pity and full of fear.
Alanon and this Board offer tools that will enable us to learn to Live our lives and allow the alcoholic to live theirs. We learn to let go of the anger, resentment and fear and develop compassion empathy and a true focus on our lives one day at a time.
Check out alanon face to face meeting in your community. The hotline number is found in the white pages, Call find out the schedule and attend.
You are not alone.
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 5th of March 2013 08:49:17 PM
Hi, am new here and need to get things off my chest to people who understand and don't judge. 2 months ago my brother in law died - he was an alcholic living with his mum so we had a long hard road with her enabling him. My sister is also an alcholic since young. She went into a detox unit before Christmas and has had one previous time some 5 years ago in rehab but lasted 9 months sober then. Last week she phoned me and I thought she was slurring and tonight she was definately slurring. I know her and her disease so haven't been too optimistic or too pessimistic about a long term recovery so why am I so angry and upset about it? After her phone call (about something she has already told me about) I felt rage an an immediate "I can't go down this road yet again" feeling. Feel tired, drained and again the anxiety and feeling I won't sleep tonight is starting. I have visited Al Anon many times in the past (online not group) as I am put off going to my local group as the person who organises it is my cousins husbands mum so feel I don't want to open up there. I know there is a confidentiality aspect but I have my reasons for not being able to be confident about attending that particular group and prefer to read the boards here as I do get strength and guidance from them and have done for some time. I am so angry tonight with my sisters disease. She is busy telling me and her 2 adult children she is working in a soup kitchen, going on a course to become a trainer to train others to help alcoholics and that she isn't ever going to drink again and yet she is slurring. She won't attend AA and never would even though I used to suggest it and instead attends a once a week post detox group run by her local council who are actively encouraging her in the early recovery phase to train as a trainer to teach other alcoholics not to drink! Her partner also a problem drinker has worked for 3 days in the past 6 months and on the two occassions he has been paid cash in hand lately she has slurred on the phone. I don't blame him as he isn't responsible for her drinking but my sis hasn't seemed serious at all to me about getting rid of her drinking buddies and her drinking partner. I also set a boundry from talking here to someone in chat asking her not to phone during evenings (as this is when she gets most abusive and drunk) and yet she phoned at 7:30pm on both occassions so I stupidly answered and broke my own boundries. After 46 years of this madness I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of it all. I've supported her 2 adult children over the years and am so worried their hearts will be broken again and even more worried she has recently been trusted to care for her grandchild and that her daughter isn't aware (yet) of what is happenning as my sis seems to be drinking again. Now feeling a mix of anger and despair and that she will too die soon as her last liver function test pre her detox was 2000 units she told me and that her liver can't sustain more abuse. Well my first post and that's part - only part of the story. Please send prayers and hugs and thanks for listening x
Oh dear, just read my post and I sound so hard, cynical, angry and bitter. At the time I just didn't get into any arguments or debates about whether she is drinking or not and was pleasant and kind to my sis but to be honest I just feel like screaming tonight with frustration at this disease and the distress it causes all round. Last week my sis told me she wasn't an alcoholic but a stress drinker so I felt it was all going to start again as the disease of course is cunning and already she was entering denial. She has lost a husband, another partner, her house, two jobs, crashed cars on 3 occassions (ex hubby covered it up for her) and 2 brothers who won't talk to her because of her drinking. How much does it take for someone to truly admit drink is a major problem in their lives. Yet she always says she isn't as bad as my brother in law who has just passed away. Hope you don't mind me reposting I just don't have anyone else to talk to at the moment. Late at night, my hubby in bed and just feel so alone with all of this. Thanks
Don't be hard on yourself. I would say her kids already know. I think when you go up with an alcoholic you know the signs right away. The alcoholic can say they are not drinking but we can tell in a second. Denial is their game. I have had it in my life too and sometimes it is one day at a time and other times it is one second at a time. Boundaries and detachment is good. Take care and post again.
Welcome Sandie, and I hope you get your answers here... you don't sound "hard, cynical angry and bitter", so much as you sound lost and scared - and we have all "been there, done that, got the t-shirt".... You've found a good place here, and you're among friends... As long as your motives are pure, you've done nothing wrong... as they say, living around active alcoholism is too much for most of us to handle on our own....
Lean on us, and I sincerely hope you choose recovery - for YOU.
I must admit, part of your post made me smile - the part about how you cannot go to Al-Anon because your "cousin's husband's mum" is one of the organizers.... My first thought is "oh no, not the dreaded cousin's husband's mum"!?, but I am teasing.... YOUR recovery is worth more than any fear about who is at the various meetings.... there is an anonymity expectation for all attendees, and it is very possible that you might know more people than you would have thought - still not a valid excuse for not prioritizing YOUR needs and recovery over anything else...
Keep coming back
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I remember once, many years ago, when my exA, out of the blue, ordered a scotch and water...after about 6 years sober.
I fell apart...his sister, who was with us at the time, couldn't understand why one drink devastated me....and thought I was completely unreasonable.
and we all know that god awful fear...of what the future holds once they start down that path.
the craziness, the unpredicability, the fear...of course you are scared and angry! how are we supposed to react when someone we love is headed for a train wreck?
cut yourself some slack, start reading the literature, find a different meeting to attend...and keep coming back...
Hi there, thanks for your kind and insightful replies. Well, woke up down today but that's ok and the posts here really uplifted my spirits knowing you all know how it feels - that really helps. Decided not to phone my sis today and give it a break and think things through. I downloaded Getting Them Sober volume 2 to read (have read first one) and looked up local Al Anon meetings and there's one I can attend which is not my "dreaded" cousins hubbys mums centre (thanks Canadian Guy you made me laugh with your response) I can't make this weeks meeting due to a prior engagement which I can't break but I will go to the one after. Phoned my sisters grown up adult children and although nothing mentioned they seem ok and getting on with their own lives at the moment so that put my mind at rest. It really is a relief to talk here as there are very few people I can talk to. Of the people I do know with A family members most are in denial about it anyway so it's nice to know I have somewhere to come to just be myself and say what I really feel. So that's what I plan to do. Some things on here struck a chord and yes my own recovery is now more important than anything else at the moment. Age 62 and living with my sisters drinking since the age of 16 has been a battle zone and the last year resulted in me becoming physically ill myself through the demands of 2 family A's, an elderly mum who is physically and mentally frail and the other stuff that comes with life. Feeling much better now because of you guys here but I have one big fear about attending Al Anon - will I be the eldest and most wrinkled first attendee they ever had? Joking aside thanks a lot for your compassion
I am glad that you feel connected and are williing to change meetings would like to assure you that NO you will not be the oldest. I am over 65--- I have a new sponsee who is 66 and another who is 60. We are certainly a diverse group and the only requirement is that we have been affected by anothers drinking. You will be most welcome
Hehe... just echoing Betty's reply to the "age" thing, as we quite often get young people here who say they can't / won't go to Al-Anon because the people there are "too old" and therefore they have nothing in common...
It has been my experience that age, gender, ethnicity, and socio-economic status are irrelevant - the common bond we ALL share is that we have been damaged by the disease of alcoholism, and we learn how to rely on each other, to help claw our way out of our despair...
Please keep coming back, and let us know how you make out at the meeting!
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
