Homeless - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Homeless

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I just got a message from my son he is being evicted. I can't even answer back.

I'm going to have a breakdown......that's how strong I am.

Please pray I will be endure this.......crying

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy,

My heart goes out to those of you with alcoholic children. I can't even imagine how difficult that must be. When my daughter is just garden variety unhappy, I find it hard to be okay with that.

You and he have my prayers.

Remember--this is often what it takes to get their attention, so it may be good in the long run.

You are doing so well. You are very strong. He's a young man; you've had to watch him do so many things on his own. You are doing great. You can't do it for him. He has to do it himself, just as he had to take those first steps, ride without his training wheels.

Blessings,
Temple

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

It's so so hard to see this happen and my heart hurts so much right now. But I know in my heart if this is what it takes he will have to live under that bridge.

In my heart I knew this day would come but when you actually hear it, it's a shock to the body and mind.

I live in a very nice home with all the things I would even want in life so to think my son on the streets will be life changing for me. God this is so hard....please help me through this.

Yes I need to be with more people...meetings...more than even.

Thank you all for being here when I need you most.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you and him love, support and prayers!

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

laurab · Senior Member

Maybe this will be a turning point for him. It's so very hard to think about your child out there, living in a way that you never dreamed of for him. It's so much easier to jump in and pay the rent or bring him home, but then the cycle continues. Please keep writing and gaining strength. you will get through this.
Laura

oldergal · Senior Member

Cathy the 3 C's is what comes to my mind right now for you. Repeat them as much as you have to.

My prayer is that this is his wakeup call. This is a tough one for you.....Yes be around more people, go to more meetings. But don't feel selfish because you have a comfortable house with all the luxuries, you had to work steady and hard for these things they are well earned. Will can have them too if he wants them. Don't feel guilty. Pray that this is what will turn him around. God is listening.

In support Oldergal

AlAnonDave · Veteran Member

Im sorry youre going through this, ((Cathy)). I will pray fo you and him. Its really hard not to rescue when things like this happen, but in my daughters case, I had to do it also.Several days later I got a phone call from a neighbor pleading with me to "have a heart"- I almost changed my mind, but I didnt, i stuck to it. I couldnt live in the insanity anymore. I also had some guilt about having everything i ever needed, but I was reminded that I had stopped drinking and worked for all of it, and I didnt have much in comparison to a lot of people half my age. It took what it took, and she just finished her 5th step, but I also told her theres more to do, and more to continue doing, so she doesnt think shes "graduated". It can still happen for you too. If and when he wants it.

AngelicH57 · Senior Member

Bless your heart I know it's hard, I think about my daughter all the time. I'm afraid she's going to jail because she doesn't have the money to pay her court fines. I know it would only take a credit card and a few clicks of the mouse to pay them for her but it will start the cycle all over again...
As hard as it is right now I hope this will be his wakeup call!

Highlyfavored · Senior Member

I just said a prayer for you and your son, I went through this with my both of my children. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, I've to admit I did weaken with my daughter after a month or two, I let her stay with me until her apt. was ready. A week turned into three weeks, not sure she learned anything, still in denial after being homeless, losing most of her belongings.

Hind sight I think I did her a disservice by letting her stay, she conned me about the time, and since then stole some of my jewerly, either she or her adult son, they don't appreciate what you do for them, it's all about the disease with them.

Stay strong, remember HP (God) can do for us what we can't do for ourselves.

Gettingitright!!

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I do not mean to downplay your situation or your worry. I just want to say that my A seemed as if he would be homeless many times. I still do not see how he is not living under a bridge. He makes almost no money, is a compulsive spender, has gone bankrupt several times (legally and all) so has no credit, and he trashes wherever he lives. And yet A's are very resourceful at keeping their lifestyle going. Very resourceful. He's got his own place and he's still not under a bridge. I never would have guessed. That's not to say that none of them are in difficult situations. But that your son has two options (at least): to continue being as resourceful as he has been -- which he may well do -- or to go to AA and start turning his life around. Both of these are open to him. He has entirely free choices.

I know that not knowing the future is terribly stressful. Usually much more stressful to those who are not in a fog of denial. But just as you don't know that the future will be good, you also don't know that it will be bad. I guess this comes back to living in the moment. So hard to do, so helpful. Take care of yourself. Hugs.

1976love · Senior Member

I can't even imagine your pain right now. So sorry you are going through this. I pray that your son finds his serenity and you too. We are not alone even in the darkest times. Sending you love and prayers from my heart.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Cathy

Im now in the exact same position. I asked son to leave on Friday and I have packed his stuff. He is staying with a friend of his and I know he has asked his Father to stay with him. Scary stuff. I am not sure I can help because I too am full of fear but I have been trying to use my tools.

He has a higher power and really this road has been inevitable and is the road of most alcoholics. So this means both our sons are where they are supposed to be. We must be strong though because if we but in and rescue we send a few messages to them , like 'you are a victim and need to be rescued,' 'you have no dignity and need me' 'you cant get yourself out of this so i will save you because I am better, wiser, stronger than you.'

Right now I am thinking about 'enabling' so I bought my son breakfast this morning but before I did i asked myself can he do this himself. Well no he couldnt because he has no money until 2 weeks. So I am willing to help with food until he sorts out money. I dont think this is enabling. I am not rushing to provide all the answers, I am stepping back and yes he is upset but because I have remained calm, no tears, worry on my face, panic etc He is actually doing some leg work to sort himself.

Also, I am putting myself first. I will not live with him any longer. It was eating at my self esteem and health and our relationship was getting worse.

Cathy You are not alone

Your friend

LC

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Morning all

This is why I continue to come to MIP. I receive many wonderful answers and support from all of you. It's wakes me up to what I need to do in so many areas. When your in the worry mode you don't think straight but coming here my mind becomes clear.

This will be very hard for me but with all I have learned and practiced over these months I will make it thru. To enable my son will only destroy all my hard work and peace I have....why go back.

For me to enable him now will only hurt him. I know this.

I have been praying all night for HP to give me the strength and courage to change once in for all and never to go back to my old ways.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Sweetheart, I know it is hard. I invite you to think about how he is a smart kid, he can figure it out and will. He has to get uncomfortable, very uncomfortable to connect his drinking to losing it all. That is the only way he may find strength to stop. HUmans have to realize that drinking and that life is so much worse than being sober.

I will definitely pray for him. Very much for you too.

Cathy he will be ok. It is so much better to let them fall. We hope he will not like sleeping outside, going to shelters, not having anywhere to brush his teeth. HOmelesss is NO fun! The sooner he realizes this and decides to change the better!!

You know him hon, you know what he is capable of. Maybe you can put, "I know he will be ok." in your head. We gotta hope he finally figures it out!!!

Please do your best to take care of you in all you need! much love,debilyn

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Hi Cathy, I have 2 stories that come to mind.

I remember a few months ago listening to a speaker online. Unfortunately, I forget the name or the conference but I remember this member living in Wisconsin. He has run into the same problem, except he and his wife took the initiative to kick their son out of their home. They pretty much said 'We love you, but we can't do this anymore. Grab your stuff and please get out.' Their son was officially homeless. He described driving along main st on some mornings and seeing their son rummaging through garbage. They said it was the hardest experience but necessary.

A couple months later. They received a phone call from their son, whom they hadn't heard from in a few weeks. He has decided he couldn't live like this anymore and needed to change. He officially enrolled in some university classes and got a spot in campus housing. His parents were skeptical but he stuck with it and got his degree. Then he said he got accepted for a master's program. he completed that. He now teaches at risk youth in California and is sober.

The second story is about Canadian entrepreneur Frank O'dea. It was the exact same situation as above. Drank his way to homlessness, and he would eventually go on to be the co-founder of Second Cup. One of Canada's biggest coffee chains and a multi-millionaire involved in the canadian political scene. If you're interested I can PM you the title of his book. Very inspiring.

There is hope and one day your son will be one of these stories.

Jim

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Family...What a great post full of experience, strength and hope...the mutual support is amazing and the display of "courage to change the things we can" is soooo much the example that this program "Works when you work it". I also have the story of putting a son out "there" (his playground) with all of the unreal thoughts and feelings because I just feared the worse and was forgetting to trust and have faith that the Al-Anon Program was truely working as those who came before me told me. What it took was "Trust"!! Trust my HP and the tool that my HP was using...The Al-Anon Family Groups. When I trusted I was working the program...when I was working the program the consequences for me were amazing -and- my alcoholic/addict son and alcoholic/addict exwife both got clean and sober in HP's and their time. HP also rewarded me by using my ex-alcoholic/addict as my metaphor for humility...being teachable and amazed. Thanks for all your ESH. (((((MIP))))) smile

oldergal · Senior Member

Cathy Elcee made a good point....if we interfere with there path we are sending the wrong messages like:

'you are a victim and need to be rescued,' 'you have no dignity and need me' 'you cant get yourself out of this so i will save you because I am better, wiser, stronger than you.'

Excellent food for thought.

In support Oldergal

AngelicH57 · Senior Member

Cathy, have you prepared yourself for the phone call when asks or begs to come home? {{{{ Hugs}}}

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

He already knows he can't come here. He has never lived in this house so he doesn't call it home really. It's my house to him. I will say "no" though. I'm not going to have the craziness here. He has all the information for the Salvation Army and homeless shelters in the area. It's his turn to take care of himself. He also has one more thing he can sell. His baby...his car. That should keep him with a roof over his head for a few months if he so chooses. The time has finally come for him to grow up. Too many wasted years for this to go on any longer.

I have made way too many mistakes on my part and it's finally time I MAKE A CHANGE. I want peace and in time I will get it forever.....no matter what happens to him. I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it.

I WILL detach with love...and will have serenity doing it.

(((( hugs ))))

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Detach with love, what a beautiful phrase. To me it means being kind through listening, not giving advice, being polite and letting them find their own solutions. Thanks Cathy.x

Fool4You · Veteran Member

{{{{{{{{Cathy}}}}}}}} Be strong and know we are all here for you!

Auntyaya · Senior Member

You are doing GREAT.....you are facing this difficulty head on, with resolve and ultimately you are giving your son a gift....his OWN life, to own and do with what he will. It is so hard as we know that their brains are not only different, but compomised by the alcohol/drug abuse...but we also know that intervening and "saving" them from themseves will not work. Sort of a no win situation as a parent. Hang in there Cathy....it is so tough, but so are you!

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