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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Too helpful wife
Post Info TOPIC: Too helpful wife
hotrod


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Too helpful wife
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Dear jbrobers
 
Welcome to Miracles in Progress
 
I am sorry that this chaos and confusion has entered your life. Alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless. Since drinking is only a symptom of a much deeper problem when some one stops the drinking the disease is still present
 
We who live with this disease need a continual program of recovery so as we can learn to keep the focus on ourselves, live one day at a time and act and not react. Just as the alcoholic needs a recovery program in AA we who live with the disease can find our own recovery program in alanon Alanon has face to face meetings in every community . Alanon Face to Face meetings can be located by going to : http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alano
I suggest that you search out meetings in your community , attend at least 6 different meetings and make no major life changes for the first 6 months in program. This is a suggestion so that each new member can have an opportunity to recover, develop their own self esteem and be able to act in a constructive manner for their lives
 
Here is an excerpt from our literature:
 
 
If we willingly surrender ourselves to the spiritual discipline of The Twelve Steps and work the program, our lives will be transformed. Members work their program by being willing to attend meetings on a regular basis, reading Al-Anon/Alateen literature, getting a sponsor, working toward applying the 12 Steps of recovery to their lives and by becoming involved in Al-Anon Service work as they begin to recover
 
You are not alone There is hope


-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 8th of March 2013 10:03:12 AM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
rehprof


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My exA when he was not drinking...had always replaced his alcohol addicition with something else.. first it was paintball, then it was comic books and action figures...to the tune of thousands of dollars...I wonder if she is trading one addiction for another...a new "love" can be very addicting...as can sex...

One thing we often say on this board is ....she is gonna do what she is gonna do. You cannot control anything...as maddening as that is..so many things just don't make sense!....and I remember just wanting to scream with frustration...it really sucks, but there are some things we are just powerless over...and one of them is our As stupid decisions.

but it's true...As behavior, when they are not working recovery, is erratic and unpredictable. You have to focus on YOU....and the kids...what can you do to support yourself through this, whatever the outcome? Alanon meetings can help...many have childcare provided, too. Focus on what you do have some control over...taking care of you...

Keep coming back...we all have been there...many of us are still there...aand we can support one another through it...

RP

 



-- Edited by rehprof on Saturday 2nd of March 2013 07:23:53 AM

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Jbrobers


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My wife of seven years is a recovering addict. About 3 months ago she started helping a male member of our church who is fresh out of recovery. He hasn't gotten a sponsor. He hasn't made 90 meetings in 90 days. He relapsed once already. He slept with a girl a week after he got out of rehab and thought he had her pregnant. And now he has convinced my wife that they are in love and that she should leave me and our three kids. They slept together and she says that she has feelings for him to. our marriage has had it's issues but I'm trying to get her to see how crazy this is.  I have admitted that I need to work on some issues myself but that these feeling for this other guy are not good for either one of them. This all sounds crazy to me. Give me some advice. Please! 



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Jerry F


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Aloha Josh and welcome to the  board and we don't give advise...we share our experiences strengths and hope with others to support positive changes in their lives also.  Hotrod has offered the gem.  It is the gem that helped me when I first had a similar complaint to yours...my spouse was alcoholic and an addict and while we were married she was never recov erying,  She had periods of clean and sober with little to no program of recovery and then relapse after relapse.  I did the best I could for and with her and things always got worse. Attend face to face Al-Anon Family Group meetings and you will hear that as the behavior of enabling.  You will also hear loads of other great and useful things to help you underestand.  What you are going thru is insane and the last word of our 2nd step is ....here read the step "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to ...Sanity".  The 1st step comes first tho..."We admitted we were powerless over Alcohol and that our lives had become unmanagable".    Sounds right?  Now go to the address that Hotrod inserted in her post to you and find the meetings nearest to you so that you know where and when we get together in your area.

 

Infidelity is huge in alcohol and drug addiction.  It started to happen in my marriage also and it became the deal breaker.  Such a sick and insane way to live.  Keep coming back. ((((hugs)))) smile



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Jbrobers


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Thanks for the information. The fact that everyones has such similar situations is mind blowing. I do need to try to find a meeting.

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