The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If it were me, he'd find his way to his own treatment. It really does speak to his commitment and seriousness about it. It's been my experience that people who really take their recovery seriously put their sobriety above all else.
My exA went to outpatient treatment for a while...and then most days would buy a fifth on the way home.
Yah, that ain't recovery.
I wish I had been more involved with alanon at that time. When he didn't do what he was supposed to do, it made me crazy. I'd check his truck for bottles, check to catch him in lies....on and on and on...and all that angst only made ME sicker and miserable. The three c's apply here -- you didn't cause this, can't cure it, and can't control it. It really is like trying to control a hurricane. To push the metaphor, you have to get yourself to safety (physically and emotionally, with the help of alanon fellowship if you wish)...but the hurricane of your husband's addiction is gonna do whatever it's gonna do. Concentrate on taking care of you.
Sending strength and welcome to MIP.
RP
-- Edited by rehprof on Friday 1st of March 2013 06:00:05 AM
Hello all. I'm new to this board. My husband is an alcoholic and also addicted to Spice, the fake marijuana.
He was supposed to start his outpatient rehab treatment this week, which consists of 3 hour classes on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays for 8 weeks. This week, he didn't go on Monday. On Tuesday, he lied to me about having doctor's appointments but he actually told his job he's not feeling well and went home to smoke spice. He picked me up from work (we carpool together) and said he's gonna go to his treatment class. He dropped me off at home and headed out. Around 6:30pm, he called and said he's not feeling well so he didn't go to the class. I can tell he was high. He was smoking in a gas station parking lot and puked all over my car.
I drove him to his treatment today. At first, he was okay with the idea and actually suggested I should drive him. During the drive to the class, he was getting mad at me for doing that and kept saying me driving him to his class can have a negative effect to his treatment because I don't trust him What exactly does he expect? Of course I don't trust him.
I really don't know how to react to this. Should I be taking him to his classes, at least for the first few weeks? I know I can't change him. I know he has to be the one that chooses to get help but I just don't know what to do! I feel like he's just manipulating me into leaving him alone so he can smoke and not go to treatment. He already suffered from seizures because of that drug. He almost died but he still doesn't get it! I'm scared that if I leave him alone, I will lose him forever.
If it was me I'd let him get himself to class via his own methods... HIS car (not yours) bus, train, taxi. If he wants it bad enough he will get there.
What is more important is what ate you gonna do? Set some safe boundaries for the relationship for your safety & serenity. If you aren't going to face to face alanon meetings I'd recommend you find one in your area & attend, the sooner the better. Just because he chooses to live a chaotic life doesn't mean you have to choose that also.
I'm glad you found the board, felt safe to post. We all know the chaios alcohol & addiction brings & understand where you Are coming from. He's gonna drink/ use because that's what he does. What is most important.. What are you gonna do?
Blessing, AP
If it were me, I'd probably make him find his own way unless there was no other way, does that make sense? My AH never did rehab, though, so I really can't speak from experience. I just speak from what I've seen in the rooms of Al Anon, etc. It's so unfortunate that we need to leave them to their own devices and it does give us a feeling of sadness and fear, but really we need to take care of ourselves while they find their own recovery. Have you tried face to face Al Anon meetings? Things that you can do for you will give you perspective and help you find the healing for you. Hugs!
He "gets it" that he could have more seizures and/or die. He just doesn't care enough. That is how addiction works. People also know that smoking cigarrettes can give them lung cancer, but they are addicted and they don't care enough to stop.
I like that you say you are optimistic but the optimism is better geared toward yourself. Be optimistic about your ability to cope no matter what he does. He's not giving you anything to be optimistic about his recovery. He clearly doesn't want it and is feeding you lies.
When someone really wants it, they will go after it and you won't have to do much of anything.
This one is straight off the hip. Its based on the treatment offered in this country. It might not be the same where you are.
Getting along to a treatment programme does not mean an awful amount. It might be a start- an admission that something is wrong. In NZ the pass rate is fairly low. [I am thinking more about my nephew here.]
If a person really wants to get sober, and straight, they will. They will got to meetings, they will make contacts. They will make mistakes, but will somehow get past them.
I wish, oh how I deeply wish that Alanon could give us all of the answers. Get everyone back into the groove of family and make us happy and contented.
It will happen over time, but not always in the way, and the time-scale we would like.
Oh boy! I have seen hopeless situations come right. And I have seen easy obstacles turn into stumbling blocks.
Drinking and addiction is a cruel illness. It drags down wonderful people
In the family programme we can hope and pray, and learn to look after our side of the fence.
David.