The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hey everybody, just checking in, you know I need to come here to stick to my program with more discipline....so when I tend to loose it I can come back and re-read how far I've already come at some point, and your words and experiences support me a big deal coming back on track.
I feel that acceptance is more often sinking in than before. Not all the time, I admit, there is still a storm of anger and disappointment raging inside from time to time, but those moments get less frequent and less intense. When that happens I practice more patinece with myself, trying to remember the good things about me, because I tend to get quite self-destructive in those moments. I accept more, that the things happened cannot be undone, but they don't have to define who I really am. I remind myself who else I can be and have already been in the past...more loving, less angry. I try to understand more how situations became what they became, and I get to know more about my boundaries and fears, the mistakes that i did and why I did them. This helps me talking to myself in a more gentle way.
Detachment is still difficult at time. No matter what happened with ex ABF, I feel a lot of compassion and still or again wish himwell, despite the disappointment and sadness and pain he left me with. So that's quite opposite feelings for one and the same person, quite confusing. one minute I hope so much he is doing well, the other minute I feel like taking the most evil revenge. I also vent a lot with my friends, poor them...and I noticed myself i get tired of that venting. It will not change the past, it will only make the present more bitter and resentful. I try to focus on the peace that I can feel more present in my life now, due to his absence. I will try to stop talking negative so often, because it brings me only closer again to the hurt and pain and the past. I am missing the good stuff, but also try not to forget the bad stuff. I try to keep a 'real' view on what happened, remembering the FACTS... Things and places in everyday life also remember me a lot of our common life, so detachment sometimes isn't so effective as I wish it to be. in a month I will travel to Africa though, so I think that my change my focus a big deal and I can use that time to take a big step into detachment. Anyway, I am making more plans again, looking forward what's yet to come, keeping an open mind and heart, Thank HP.
this all is not so easy to practice, honestly, and still, now and then tears come back.
Great Post Tortuga... you're growing. Both detachment and acceptance were higher Al-Anon education for me...detachment was more learning how to get out of the way of and acceptance wqas accepting the fact of and not the morality of the condition or a certain alcoholic/addict event. When I stopped judging the alcoholic or something she did and just accepted who and what she was and that I had no power over any of it...I started to relax and get comfortable in my own skin and no feel that I "had" to do something about it or anything else. Detachment wasn't abandonment...just like you are learning here. I continued to be on hand with love and didn't touch and direct. You're getting the process good...for you and for others. Keep coming back and have a good trip (((((hugs)))))
As Jerry said, those things are higher education. I'm still working on acceptance and there are times when I think I'm there and then other times when I feel I have to start over from scratch. Getting comfortable with who I am is so important and spending time with people who see the real me is also important. Many of my friends, whom I know from church or tennis or as neighbors) tell me positive things about myself that I never was open to hearing before. I try to accept their words graciously and remember that acceptance, for me, is also about accepting myself as well as my alcoholic qualifiers. Seeing yourself through someone else's eyes opens up the possibility that I'm not as bad as my AH said I was.
Ok, I think I went off track here, but wanted to just say that you are growing and I love reading your shares here!
