The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Everyone,
As I've mentioned in the past, I attend a support group fellowship regularly. This past week I heard the news that a long-time member had passed away.
Terry and I had crossed paths a few times. Shaken hands, said hi and had small conversation. I would not say I was particularly close with him but he was still someone that played a part in my life, no matter how small. He was in his mid-50's, looked healthy, slim, ate very healthy apparently as well
Then last week, after a big snowfall, he grabbed his shovel, cleared out his driveway than poof. His heart stopped. That was it. He had passed away.
Even though he wasn't someone I was close with, it still shook me. It was a reminder that at any time, your ticket can be pulled.
I think what jumped out to me about him was that
*typing from my phone*
He was a very lonely individual. Never married, no kids, never spoke of any significant other. I remember seeing him and thinking 'I do not want to be that guy'. The sad thing is you see it all the time in Al-Anon, particularly with male members. They are divorced, or single, never having found anyone. I hate to say it, but he appeared as everything I didn't want to be. Lonely, depressed, sad, timid. But sometimes that appears to be the fate of al-anon men. What's to say I will turn out so different? To be gone suddenly with everything having passed me by? Never having any sort of legacy.
Its good to be remembered... I hope someone marks my passing.
There are good men. I had a flick through the latest Alanon Stats this morning. By far the most come along are women because their partner is the drinker. The percentage of men coming for a wife or partner was well down the list.
A sad fact of humanity. More reason to us men to stick together [sometimes] and support one another on the path.
Not very re-assuring lol, but insightful nonetheless.
His passing has got me thinking that I only saw him maybe 3 weeks ago. He was at our gratitude meeting. Now he's gone. My personality is vastly different from his but I just turned 29 and that may not seem like a big number to some of you but it is to me. I don't want to be that 55 year-old guy that comes to al-anon meetings complaining about how lonely he is because he never took a chance and when he was ready there were no chances.
I am sorry for the loss of your alanon acquaintance. I find that when someone passes it is a reminder that we have no guarantees in life. My only choice to have a successful life lived with courage, serenity and wisdom is to truly trust this program. Living this program ODAT focused on myself, with my will turned over to my Higher power I believe that I will find that inner connection to myself and HP that is the only important relationship I truly need.
I am reminded that I followed all the supposed to in life. I wanted guarantees that I would never be alone so I was married at 23, had a child at 29, my husband died when I was 47, my son when I was 65 I am alone
l have a partner that I connected with when I was over 50 - We are not married -- my choice I no longer worry about being alone I have my higher power and I have myself I trust HP in all my affairs
You will have a life. Keep showing up with an open mind and know that this is a long journey, lived one day at a time.
Death, more surprised death, is a real reminder about valuing life today. wether we are men or women, wether we are 60 or 20. it can be over at any point, and the end is the same for everyone, wether we have people in our lives or wether we are alone. Living life fully, we get the choice to do that every day that is giving to us. As a woman I also sometimes think, wow maybe I will choose to stay alone for the rest of my life (i'm 35), just to protect myself or not feeling so vulnerable anymore. Disappointments and painful encounters have been many. But I still don't think about just becoming a passive living person. some days yes, energy is low. But I meet so many inspiring, uplifting, contagious people, woman and men, here in Al Anon or just outside there. I keep heart and mind open, very open. This openness places me full into life. Sure, i'm still not very talented, to forbid entrance of the negative things in life...I'm practicing and experimenting with my boundaries right now. But this openness also lets the good things in....and that's what we can wish for. You come here, you share, you are active...so your path belongs to you, you are choosing...and you appear to strive for more happiness in your life. I personally am happy you are here, as everybody else that adds to growth through experience...so your path belongs to you. be open to reminders, signs, the feelings that come with them and choose. Recovery is a journey, not a destination...and you can LIVE beautiful things along the way. That's a true life worth living. in support...and thanks for the reminder.
I am very sorry for your loss, slogam_jim. Live is short and we can only make the best out of it. I am glad I found Al-Anon and I try to stop trying to have the perfect life. I want a life.
