The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I do identify with your feelings. I too felt angry and upset when I heard alcoholics seemingly make light of the pain and anxiety that their behavior, during their drinking years, produced. I felt as if they were proud of their "War Stories" and were reliving the adrenaline rush from their destructive behavior.
I found alanon face to face meetings in an effort to feel more comfortable around the disease of Alcoholism.
It was here that I learned I was powerless over alcohol, people, places and things. That alanon would support my efforts to learn to change and live life one day at a time,focused on myself, with courage, serenity and wisdom.
After many years of alanon face to face meetings I now understand that since I am powerless over others, the actions and behavior of the alcoholics in my life is truly none of my business. I know that part of their recovery is to connect with each other and share. How they connect, share their pain and experiences is what works for them. I need to focus on myself and my recovery program .
I urge you to check out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. It is a powerful support . The number can be found in the white pages.
Glad you found us.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 27th of February 2013 09:06:39 AM
I'm completely new to this forum and I guess even Al-Anon. My partner is an alcoholic, but I met her about a year ago, when she was already two years sober and had worked through the steps with her sponsor.
In any case, I've found that I'm really uncomfortable when I notice her or her group of friends outside of AA, talking about drinking and doing drugs (not going out to do it, but just talking about having done it before or the stupid things/experiences they had before). I don't know why, but I've just been getting more and more uncomfortable whenever these topics of conversation come up in a seemingly flippant manner. Now this same discomfort doesn't arise when I'm just by myself and joking around with friends. I don't know why I'm feeling these very strong emotions, but I was hoping to see if any one else could shed some light or if anyone else has experienced these same sorts of feelings.
Hmmm... I can't talk from experience here, the alcoholic in my life, my dad got sober the day he died. However, after being in Alanon for 30 years I can give you some ESH.
One of two things coud be going on here:
1. (Possible) After recovery there is a honeymoon period where things seem to go okay. This could be a sign that there is a danger zone approaching.
2. More 'n likely. In recovery people begin to grow emotionally. Without the crutch there are new horizons and new possibilities. -From being a fairly needy person emotionally. I think it is important for us family members to have our own interests and outlets, along with what we share with our SO.
Alcoholism and addiction is only an illness- it does not stop us living a full life.
My guess would be you know it wrecked her life and it has the potential to mess up your relationship (drugs and alcohol). I'm thinking part of you believes that unless she talks about it in any way other than as a serious deadly threat, you feel she is vulnerable to relapse. I can understand. To you it would sound like someone joking about the cancer they were recovering from....like saying "Hahaha yeah....remember when I had chemo and lost all my hair - hahahaha!" Potentially fatal illnesses are not funny.
I joke about my own war stories too. When you are free from it you can look back at it and laugh to a degree. Usually when I hear myself and other people joking about our drunk or drug experiences it's more like about how stupid and pathetic it was, not how fun it was. Drinking and/or drugging to the degree that we addicts and alcoholics have done is absurd. When we are sober, we can see the absurdity and it's not all bad. Romancing the drink and/or drugs is bad. Laughing at the absurdity isn't always bad.
I'm exactly where you are - met my partner after he'd already been sober for some time and didn't know him as an alcoholic.
I don't have the same worries as you but then I'm not as deep into the relationship as you are, so maybe those worries will come. For me, I see him joking about it or laughing about a certain situation and my first feeling is that he just needs to joke about it in order to deal with what a wreck he was. Some people turn bad parts of their lives into jokes in order to process, deal and work through it. You see that a lot in all sorts of support groups or even if you watch a comedian!
I'd recommend going to an al-anon meeting. I've only just started going and have been to two so far. I don't know how it's going to help me (in both, I was the only one with a sober A in my life), but I feel like it has great potential to do so!
Thanks for all of your replies! I'm really glad to be able to connect with you all and hear your thoughts on how I've been feeling. I feel as though pinkchip really hit the nail, but all of your messages have spoken to me in one way or the other. I've been to a few Al-Anon meetings, but I guess I relate to rainlax when they said that they were the only one there with a sober A in their life... same situation for me; I've only known her after she's been sober for a while. Thus, I'm not sure if this program is really for me or not...
Hmmm... I can't talk from experience here, the alcoholic in my life, my dad got sober the day he died. However, after being in Alanon for 30 years I can give you some ESH.