The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I have been in and out of this forum reading threads for comfort but until now I have never created an acct. I know that much of what Im going to say is beyond the scope of Al Anon and many of you will probably think Im a fool for putting up with it, but I have been hoping for the best. The relationship that I am in now has often been problematic. Me and my fiance met at a low point and became binge drinkers together for many years, which seemed fine in my early 20s until we discovered that she was pregnant. It was a tough pregnancy for us, as many things changed and we fought often for the first 5 mos. She gave up drinking during her pregnancy and I did for a while as well. After the birth of our son she gradually began drinking again until one night when she was feeling very ill and I took her to the hospital. A matter of days later began an inquiry from child protective services, it seems that her blood tested positive for amphetamines. In the months that followed she was ordered in to treatment and monitored sobriety and our relationship began to bloom in a way I never dreamed it could. I was voluntarily continuing treatment for domestic violence at the time and we began to communicate in ways I never dreamed possible. Everything seemed perfect for a while. I went back to college full time this past May and continued to work part time over the summer, as fall began my work again became full time and with my school load I would often leave at 630 in the morning and not get back home till ten at night. At some point during this routine she began to drink again, I discovered this right around Thanksgiving. I talked to her about it and she promised she would get back into AA and I believed her. At some point in the following months I found out she was using narcotics again, and after that I discovered she had also returned to escorting (something I had known she did early in our relationship but thought she had stopped). I recently gave her an ultimatum that in order for this relationship to stay intact she needs to be sober and cease escorting. Since then I found evidence that she was communicating with guys, and I also found some pot. While I can breathe a sigh of relief that it was not a hard narcotic I still find it more than troubling. I know shes lying to me constantly but I cant help but want to fix things for the sake of our family.
I relate a lot to your post and then my own story takes off to the left as I was never ajudicated to ATV...ironically I am a former ATV mens case manager. Being married to a severe alcoholic addict qualified me for the rooms of Al-Anon and I finally stopped all of the "I'm different" idea as I followed up on the suggestions to keep coming back and to sit, listen and learn and practice the program as it was suggested by the rooms, literature and the ESH from sponsors. I also had "pink cloud" periods of time with my alcoholic/addict and often after she was injured as a result of alcohol and drug useage. I also drank (she chased me drinking) and I tried using with my wife and returned to drinking only. We were very sick and everyone in contact with us including children and family were affected too.
You're not even beyond the scope of Al-Anon...Al-Anon exist because of the spouses, relatives, friends and associates of alcoholics and addicts. You're qualified!! Find the hotline number in the white pages of your local telephone book and find out where and when we get together in your area. Sometimes the meetings can be found on college campuses; check it out and keep coming back here also.
Sounds like your wife is in full relapse after a period of clean/sober time. Too sad. Keep coming back to MIP we are in support. ((((hugs))))
Welcome to MIP! Someone in Alanon has lived your story. You are powerless over alcoholism and any other addictions. Take care of yourself and your family. Keep coming back it does get better.
Hi Lupo...welcome to MIP and thankyou for sharing with us, you are not alone, here you will always find support and understanding. You will not be judged, a safe place for you to share. It is so hard living with alcoholism even when the alcoholic is not drinking. Kudos to you for getting back to education for you and your family.
In support
Simone
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
