The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I understand that your warm, kind compassionate heart has been hurt not only by the loss of these friends but also by the all too human actions of the "town". Human nature is all to ready to gossip and judge others as a way of feeling better about themselves. I recognize this because before program and working the Steps, I too indulged in the same destructive behavior.
My son died in his sleep of "natural causes" ,as stated on the death certificate--- however the "gossip" in his small town said differently.
Knowing and accepting that alcoholism is a disease that leads to institutions or death, I merely stated that he had a dreadful disease from which he did not recover. That stopped the judgment and criticism in my presence. What they did behind my back I am sure was different.
Remembering that I was powerless over people and validating my love for him, his beautiful spirit and heart overcame their judgment and I was free
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 25th of February 2013 09:53:05 AM
I'm having another Tough Spot Again at the loss of Yet another to the disease that makes (3) in (3) months, that last two within 2wks of each other... And tho I know my Friend is in a place of Peace, I am So Angry! Not Just at the Disease its self, but at that Narrow Minded, Small Town ~ Small Mind place that I live...
I don't do Anger well! but I have found myself several times last week just wanting to barrel roll people right were they stand! This Most Recent person that I have lost worked for us for 3 yrs... When he worked he had so many tragic things happen in such a short about of time, that it wasn't hard at all to Love the Man! When he got here he was in his early 20's and his mom did Everything under the moon for him, he was born with heart problems and was the baby! She would pack his lunch, pay his bills (With his money), and driving all over to get it done, she would lay his clothes out for work! Get him up! You Name it She did it!
Well Not but a month after he got here he lost him mom! He was devistated, and So Very Lost and his Dad an Ever Growing Alcoholic at that point! , he was on his way to be a parent as well! GF was Pregnant when he got here! months after lossing his mom he then lost his Only Sister to Cancer! Who Stepped in after mom was gone! And From there, he found out his GF was Using when Prego and tryed to do something about it! And as soon as the baby was born, He Took Custody of his infant Son, the GF is Now a Herion addict (before it was pills)...
He Adored this Little Boy! Took him everywhere he went on his arm! We had them at our Camp Many times, and this little Guy just lit up his world! And Gave him Purpose! Even tho, he was still a boy himself, I believe in my Heart that he did the best he could! With the knowledge he had! And Now! He is Gone! And his Son is without a father, and a mother!
The Small town I live in is like a rumor mill! Everyone Started "Assuming/Saying" OD, He OD'd.... And then the Story's Grew! And Grew And Grew and this is just in 5days! ... And it sickens me how fast someone is to jump on the band wagon before finding out ANY truth to the words spewing from their mouths! I Spoke with one of the EMT's that was there when He was Taking from this world, and they told me it was not an OD! That he may have had a little Something in him, but OD was not the Initail cause of Death...That he was having problems and his heart Just Stopped!
So I did My Own Research, and found out that he did in fact get into some things (Drugs) within the last 2 years, (He hasn't worked here in about 5yrs) and about 2 months ago, he got into some troubles and I guess someone turned him into the state and said he wasn't taking good care of his boy! So He went and Got help! He didn't Broadcast it! But he was Seeking Help! Because he didn't want to loose his little boy! Who is now almost 9...
My Anger is in the Hateful words people say and assume, I know that what others think is none of my Business, but when they are speaking of someone that I care about, its really hard to swallow their untruth's... And if it was but ONE person it would be differant, but its an entire town! Why do people have to be so shallow in their thoughts, and not wait on fact before you go sproutin off at the mouth when there is a Young boy without a Daddy that can be effected by your words!! And for the last 8yrs that has been the Only family he has had but a couple Uncles! I'm Pissed that they drag my friends name thru the Mud just to have something to speak about...
And because I live in a Small Community I even had to hear "false truths" at my Meeting last night and I Just Sat there and felt my Blood Boiling! and when they spoke of him (Before Meetin in Parking lot) they said to me.. "This one said this to this one, and then to this one and this one told this one and then they told me!" And i just looked at them and said! "Well then You Really have No Clue what Happened since you took the word of not one, not two, but 3 addicts?!" And just walked away! Was it Kind... Prob Not! Was I Necessary? Prob Not! But did I Feel the Need to say it!... Yes Indeed!
It Truly Pains Me to be Angry! I have Been thru so much loss of Late, and I know its Life, and as I grow older it will only get More & More! But things like this have me so Upset! I lost my Friend on Thurs. My Gram Called me Crying on Fri because her best friend Past away Friday! and then another aquantance of ours past friday night of Cancer! I'm Just Tired of Death and the Ignorance that follows addiction! No One ever once to give them the benifet of the doubt! They would much rather have a "Bar Stool" Story to tell all their friends!
I am One to Live on Faith, & I Know HP is in the lead! That I Don't Doubt! I Believe that we are Here until it is our time to Go! And I Believe it was His Time! I don't Understand it! But I Do Believe it! ... I'm Sorry for the Vent, I just need it out of my Head! Cause it wont leave my Heart! And Tomorrow is going to be Such a Tough Day... But I know HP Will See me thru! As he has All the ones Before! When I am In a Better State of Mind, I will tell's ya's about my spiritaul side of this death and how it Came to Me, but currently I just need to Defuse!
