The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So early this morning I get to thinking, "Why do I care if someone is mad at me?" I can understand the reasononing of the problem, I know I am right. I also know the other person has lied and betrayed people, people where I had to stick up for them, and now you are mad at me because I voiced a truth that upset you. Why do I care? My whole life I have strived to have people like me...even the one's that I know aren't the best quality. Then when I find out they are mad with me it makes me sad because I feel like I am wrong when I know I am right...it's a viscous little circle. I want to look it up in my Courage to Change book...but I don't even know what to call it. Any suggestions???
Wow. This post has me written all over it. I guess it's passive aggressive sort of. It's a boundary thing also. It relates to people pleasing. You wrote you dealt with people where you had to stick up for the folks they lied to and betrayed. Well...where is it written that you have to stick up for those folks? Where is it written that you have to let someone always know when they are wrong? This is something I really struggle with. I don't know when to open my mouth or not. When to share opinions. When they will be well received or not. I try and live by principles and get annoyed when other folks seem not to. I guess acceptance is also part of this.
In sum, you are talking about multiple issues in play with regard to dealing with others. I believe the program addresses all of them through the steps and literature but not necessarily head on.
I think looking up "People Pleasing and denial " would be helpful I can so identify with what you have shared and know that the slogan Say what you mean, mean what we say, and not to say it mean" was so powerful
I identify with what you posted, too. Sometimes I have to just stand, listen and tell myself to shut up. Menopause and staying bottled up for so many years has made it hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I have a hard time staying calm when I believe my boundaries have been violated. I like the slogan you shared hotrod, sometimes I forget the "not to say it mean". Paula
Hi 1976love I know well what you mean.... I've spent a lot of years trying to be what ever I feel others want me to be.... I'm upset when I get it wrong. I take responsibility for others behaviour, because if they get upset or angry my head can tell me it has to be my fault somehow.
My favourite reading in courage to change is on March 14th.... I think its quite apt somehow x
