Regretting getting an award at work yesterday - Al-Anon Family Group

AlAnonDave · Veteran Member

Regretting getting an award at work yesterday

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

I don't know if this will help however you did a good thing. It's an opportunity to apply what you have learned in alanon. You can celebrate your discovery and QTIP the situation you deserved to be singled out even if it felt weird and other people acted like jerks. After all as it's been pointed out many times on the board from people far wiser than me .. what other people think of me is none of my business. What is your own truth and how do you feel about the award NOT about how other people feel about your award or you getting self esteem from other people. How do you feel about your award?

You are right .. why do other people treat each other like this? I wish I could answer that because I could answer the million dollar question WHY do addicts do what they do and not get the standard answer because they are addicts.

Hugs P :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dave

Congratulations on seeing the major flaw, having the courage to identify it and stop the launch There is certainly nothing wrong with your actions and your professional behavior.

I know that presenting awards in my company usually generated similar behavior. In my case the people who acted as you described were the ones who always were negative about the Company's efforts to promote fellowship and team building. They were the "Kool" ones who laughed at such efforts, It had nothing to do with who received the award--- it is the award system itself that they laugh at. In my situation they were always saying "Show me the Money" not an award.

You did well. Validate your actions, accept the award as you did and let this build your self esteem and not destroy it.

re

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Dave you didn't say if your fly was down or there was something attached to the back of your pants dangling down so maybe it had nothing to do with you and if you're really concerned you can ask one or more of them. Don't be affaid to ask especially someone you respect as honest. Then let it go...always let it go and keep the award...good job on finding the flaw and calling in out in the open...might have saved the pilots butt. Sometimes when you do something good like this it shines the light on those who missed it.

Keep coming back. smile

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Stand tall and strong you did a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat job, let them snigger don't waiste your time trying to figure out what lies behind thier smirks it is not your problem I am proud you did your job, nice to know people like you speak out.

thankyou

Katy

x

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

You know...sometimes our worst enemy is between our ears...

You and HP know your true worth. What if that plane had gone up? Maybe you saved lives...isn't that the bottom line? and really...you are a sensitive, caring, conscientious employee...

we have a saying here in maine about people like your co-workers (if they are indeed jeering)

"F em, feed em beans" I don't really know what it means, but for me it the saying means they don't matter, and it doesn't really matter what they think. I'm with Pushka QTIP. Detach. They have a right to be WRONG.

One of my flaws is always feeling deficient. I have a Ph.D. and every day I fight feeling inferior to others. I try to step into my legitimate place in this world...and believe I'm as good as everyone else. Have the courage to step into the gifts God gave you....and I'll try to do that too.

all best,

RP

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Firstly, congratulations on your award. As far as the people you work with, many of us would likely agree that there are lots of unhealthy people working side by side with us. Don't rule out jealousy either. If your coworkers displayed inappropriate behavior, there is no reason to give your power away to them and evaluate your worth by their behavior. To thine own self be true. Stick with the winners. These are things we're learning in Alanon. People will continue to disappoint us but others will recognize our worth and be positive in their interactions with us. We get to choose what we want to let in. Take what you liked, and leave the rest. :) TT

AlAnonDave · Veteran Member

Thank you, family. You've helped me lot. This terrible inferiority complex is a learned thing that I have difficulty letting go of. I could have stellar weeks, yet it only takes one comment or action from someone to ruin it. Me being a double dipper, (double winner, as it were), I have to be on guard against resentments and also allow others to be sick also. I've found the program which taught me that I came from a sickened upbringing and in turn, got sick myself. I must realize that there's a lot ofothers who haven't found their way yet and I have to accept them in the same way that I desire acceptance myself. The whole giving it away to keep it thing.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Yeah Dave, I read this on my phone yesterday and couldn't respond back til this morning at my computer. Being a double winner I was basically just seeing you in alcoholic thinking head space. I go there often. It's scary and when I catch myself I call my sponsor immediately or run to a meeting or tell on myself (which is basically what you did by posting the thoughts here). Glad you worked through it.

AlAnonDave · Veteran Member

Thanks, Pinkchip. Im sure glad I have others here I can relate to. Not only did I write it here, but my wife and I discussed it, I went over how I felt about the whole thing. Its really a bad state of mind to be in that affects your whole entire outlook, so I knew I had to be rid of it. Ill be at a meeting tonight and discuss it. Ive yet to hear anyone share on these things at the meetings I attend. I wish I could hear about it more often so I could hear what tools worked for them. I think being an ACOA and Alanon and Alkie altogether is so overwhelming sometimes and the only people who can relate are those whove shared the same experiences. Which is why this thought always comes to mind after a couple days: "theyll never, nor can they, understand"- it helps me realize that part of what makes folks sick is misunderstanding of others.

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

QTIP

Kids are cruel even when they grow up. My first assumption would be my fellow workers thought the company award policy was cheesy and probably felt some sympathy for me having to play along. But you know awards are meant to show appreciation and recieving one is an honor. I am with P ... let the snarky beasts eat beans

And add my sincere appreciation for a job well done, congratulations.

Jen

AlAnonDave · Veteran Member

K- im going to have to ask- whats "QTIP"?

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

A slogan I had and have to use ALOT! LoL

Quit Taking It Personal - It helps with the other slogans to remind me to not dwell on my thoughts of what others thought of me or what thier intentions were but to be busy living MY life.

Jen

AlAnonDave · Veteran Member

Ah, makes sense. I do turn on "the butt kicking machine" all too often. One day maybe that dumb thing will run out of gas

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Dave, I'm sorry you sound like a lovely person and you did your job. These people may have been laughing at anything. Are you being sensitive or easily hurt? If they were behaving badly towards you then, step 1 you are powerless and itstheir problem. When I behave badly it's usually to do with my own misery so let them have it and you keep on being you. Oh and congratulations on getting your award.x

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

It was mentioned earlier by another poster, but it bears repeating.

"What you think of me is none of my business."

I've repeated this to myself many a time in the past in many situations both at work and at home and it has saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

I agree, too - sometimes I decide that I'm suddenly the center of everyone's universe and their bad behavior has something to do with ME. I have to remind myself that I am NOT the center of everyone's universe and therefore most likely 98% of people's behaviors around me has absolutely NOTHING to do with me. For that other erroneous 2%? Well, they're still responsible for their own actions, not me. ;)

atheos · Senior Member

It's hard to know exactly what they were laughing at, and very easy to jump to the worst possible conclusion (I have a tendency to do that myself!) As others here have pointed out, they could have been laughing for many reasons that either weren't at your expense or were even completely unrelated to you. But you'll never know unless you ask.

I would encourage you to read my post "Misunderstandings - things aren't always what they seem!" about a time when I jumped to a similar conclusion. I shared something very personal and important to me, and a table full of fellow Al-Anon members laughed. I was very hurt until I found out why they were laughing... now, remembering the situation, I laugh too! And I use that memory to remind myself not to jump to the worst conclusions when I feel insecure about something.

Was there anyone at the ceremony who you trust enough to ask? If so, I would strongly encourage you to do so... you may be quite surprised at what you find out!

-- Edited by atheos on Friday 22nd of February 2013 02:36:20 PM

lightblue2 · Veteran Member

Thanks for this post. I was given a box of chocolates by one of the departments that I do some work for, because they appreciated what I have done.

Oddly though I have felt unworthy of the appreciation and avoided going and working hard in that department. Your post has helped me see that I am avoiding it. So next week I am going to go back in and do as I do usually, work well... and also do some alanon work on the feelings that this is bringing up for me. Thanks again

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