Actually ((((laurab))))  you don't know how it will come out for him...you find out later after he does what he needs to do for himself.  As Debilyn mentioned a bottom for one is not the same for another...some are higher and some are lower.  My alcoholic/addict had a bottom I never thought she'd reach and I practiced, practiced and practiced some more at getting out of the way between her and her higher power.  When she did hit her bottom HP allowed her to be my metaphor for humility.  She entered a rehab and for the first two weeks of detox and classes she wore a bag over her head.  When she was first asked why she had the bag over her head she replied "I've come to understand that if I do not allow myself to be blindly led into recovery...I will never make it".  That is true.  It takes complete abandonment and willingness to enter the rooms of recovery.  I will also remember him in my prayers.   It would be good to have another member in recovery out there that they might help others also.   ((((hugs)))) 

Laura - You can't assume what he is saying is always true...You know this. You don't know how much money he has (or that he really has no means to get money) because he will always tell you he has none when in a tough spot to get you to give him some. Furthermore, he will tell you he has noone and no friends to get you to come to his rescue also. It sounds like he knows he is worrying you and he's milking it.

Today he is in a panic. It's 12 hours later in Phuket. He sent me a message at 5:00 am our time, 5 pm his time. Followed by more messages that he knows I read my mail so why won't I answer. I went on line at 8. He is furious. His girlfriend in NY cut off communication with him. She emailed me Saturday and said he had betrayed her and she was done. I don't know what the story is. He realized that he can't reach her and decided that his dad had told her whatever it is that made her feel betrayed. This is nuts of course, because his dad hasn't spoken to the girl since October. We didn't ask her how she was betrayed and don't have a clue. Nor do we know what he had done to betray her. My DH replied that he had no idea what he was being accused of, had not been in touch with her etc. Son wrote back one word, "liar."
DH wrote back how hurt he is and that's the last we heard. DH is sad. I'm angry, but I was unable to focus at work today. I have to learn something technical tomorrow and I am worried that I won't get it right and be embarrassed in front of the young girls I work with, who are so incredible on the computer. I am looking for a f2f nearby.
I appreciate all these messages and I send (((((hugs))))) and thank you.
Laura

I hope you get to the f2f meeting. It's sad how self-centered addicts can be. They chase away people that care about them and then the few folks that are left get crapped on the worst because they are all that's left to absorb the craziness and mental abuse. Making nutty accusations and calling your own parents "liar" is a loud message to detach. Back off the craziness and let him sit in it. There is nothing you can do and you don't deserve the abuse and awful boundary crossing (1. It's ridiculously self-centered to think you would bother to be involved in his relationship with some girl and 2. Calling you parent a liar while they are worried sick about you is abusive.) It's hard to back off your own son, but when he's ready to talk sanely, then discussion might be more useful.