I haven't always really gotten that saying but I think I'm learning.

It was a nice reprieve but the no contact order with my ex and the boys will be lifted within the next week or two as I've been told.  He agreed to stop drinking so they are lifting the order.  In another lifetime I'd have driven myself insane trying to control something I can't.  Instead I just said "well we've gotten through this for this many years, we will continue to get through it again".  Not sure where that came from but it was just this peace that came over me.  And I also now feel more empowere to just simply say "no, you cannot see the kids right now they've reported you drinking again, take it up legally if you feel the need".  I no longer feel afraid to stand up to him because the power he used in court is all gone now, gone with the truth of his abuse being completely out and recognized.

This new relationship I've been in is so different from anything I've ever been in.  I admit, there was this crazy chemistry with my exABF that was almost fairytale like.  I'd never felt anything like it in my life.  But that's not always enough is it?  My new guy, there is this calm, easiness with us.  He sort of "centers" me (I can be a little high strung, he brings me back to earth in such a soft manner).  No its not all fireworks and butterflies but there is this developing deep connection that I adore.  Each day it grows a little more kind of like a flower.  And I laugh at myself because I think back to the insanity of dating a severe alcoholic (he recently died from it) and my brain would just excuse it and find ways to try and make it ok.  But one day I did finally see the insanity.  Here's this sweet, calm, funny guy who isnt perfect but what are his big faults? He's getting himself back on his feet right now but what I notice is... he does what he says he'll do. So far, every word he's given me, he's followed through on.  And his humor is a little backwoods hick and rough.

What does my sick brain do? Keeps telling me I should worry.  Ok so don't worry about the alcoholic but worry about the sweet hick?

Thankfully I also remember - I don't have to make any big decisions right now!! I can keep seeing where this is going, keep seeing how he follows through, learn to see his humor as a unique part of him and just maybe, I'll find someone I can trust and stay with a long time.

We will be OK.  The kids and I will be fine.  We can do this.  My HP is watching out for us.