What if? - Al-Anon Family Group

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

What if?

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

I am having a case of the what if's. My what if's are not related to any A but are a residual challenge from years of trying to be prepared, reacting and worrying about uncontrollable situations. My tried and dependable practices are not helping very much on this today. I am hoping some of you may share what if practices that help you.

Jen

Zimmy · Senior Member

for me i replace the what if, with what if not? ie, cant get hold of abf i start with what if he's drinking i then mentally stop myself and replace with what if he's not drinking, that really helps me.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Jennifer

Before alanon I too did the what if projecting, because I truly thought I had control and could avoid any and all painful situations if I just managed correctly.

I no longer,"What if" because with all my preplanning and anxiety, was not able to prevent the three worst "What ifs" and they have all happened in my life.

I see that HP was there in the worst of times and the most painful times. I was given the courage, serenity and wisdom to walk through the fire and come out the other side.

Today I am living in serenity and know that life is hard and problems will come but no matter what comes along, I have my program HP and I can handle it. courage, serenity and wisdom

Alanon steps, meetings, slogans truly work in all my affairs

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

Hmmm... yes. I was once caught in a wedge between the what-ifs and the if-onlys.... Perhaps an older generation of Alanons might have muttered something about 'the poor me's' or the good old 'pity party'. But today we can share while others do listen. I think doing what you are doing- talking and sharing, is the answer. About what? Maybe find someone to share the detail with... my ESH :>) David.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I change the what if to the serenity prayer. What can I change? What do I need to accept? Then ask my HP for the wisdom to know the difference. No one has the power (not even the God of my understanding) to go back and do things differently in the past .. I can only move forward with different choices now.

Hugs P :)

It's pretty much related to the why question I find myself asking at times. Changing the why to what can I do differently.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jennifer,

When I notice that my thoughts are troubling me I turn to face them and ask myself 'how am I with this?'

What happens next is interesting because the thought usually slinks out of the room or, sometimes, I simply see that the thought is not good for me and it seems more logical to let it go.

I think that I am in the process of changing my ways of behaviour and while these changes are taking place I can feel a bit uncomfortable. I try to stay in the moment and I have a few pretty things around the house where I can rest my eye and my mind when the chatter gets a bit too much.

If I really can't shake a bad mood then I try to give myself a treat - because these thoughts are usually a symptom that I'm a bit down. I've noticed that they crop up if I'm tired, too hot, doing too many chores etc but they hardly ever surface while I'm reading a good book, enjoying a nice view or talking to people I love and feel comfortable with. If I can't get a treat right away then I just imagine it.

Hope these help. (The problem is that I don't always notice my thinking!)

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

The "what If's" KILL me. I have the problem when I'm driving to and from work everyday. I drive about an hour and a half one way so I have lots of time for those pesky " what if's " to enter my head. I can't say I have the problem gone but I do have a little trick I play on them.

When they start......I just start praying to God out loud. I ask him questions about me, I ask him to help me, I ask him to give me the courage I need at that moment and for my day to be OK. Whatever comes into my mind.

Usually they will go away....if they don't I will say OK......"what if "......do you have a solution, will it help anything, will it make it all better. I usually come to the solution that those "what if's" are a waste of time for me.

It takes hard work but they get less and less everyday with the help of Al-anon, MIP and my HP.

Take care of you my friend

(((( hugs ))))

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Al Anon taught me the wonderful tool of one day at a time.It's actually, originally from the Bible.

If I start thinking ahead too much or get scared, I bring me right back to now, this moment. I don't honestly know answers to what ifs.

People think I am waiting to begin my life with my manfriend. I love each day we share, even if we don't talk that day. Everyday is life, I am waiting for nothing.

Well I do get soft and think hmmm what would it be like to raise a piggy again. Then I remember the having to lock the fridge, mudholes, terrible twos, inside or out? ugh.

What if I had not left the ex ah or any of that never goes thru my mind. The past is what it is, each day is what I make it.

not sure if that is what you needed! hugs! debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.